Monday, February 28, 2011
Sunday, February 27, 2011
Saturday, February 26, 2011
Friday, February 25, 2011
Thursday, February 24, 2011
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
Saturday, February 19, 2011
Friday, February 18, 2011
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
Monday, February 14, 2011
Friday, February 11, 2011
Guillotine Jokes
Today they're leading a priest, a drunkard and an engineer to the guillotine.
They ask the priest if he wants to face up or down when he meets his fate. The priest says that he would like to face up so he will be looking toward heaven when he dies. They raise the blade of the guillotine, release it, it comes speeding down and suddenly stops just inches from his neck. The authorities take this as divine intervention and release the priest.
Next the drunkard comes to the guillotine. He also decides to die face up hoping that he will be as fortunate as the priest. They raise the blade of the guillotine, release it, it comes speeding down and suddenly stops just inches from his neck. So they release the drunkard as well.
The engineer is next. He too decides to die facing up. They slowly raise the blade of the guillotine, when suddenly the engineer says:
Hey, I see what your problem is!
They ask the priest if he wants to face up or down when he meets his fate. The priest says that he would like to face up so he will be looking toward heaven when he dies. They raise the blade of the guillotine, release it, it comes speeding down and suddenly stops just inches from his neck. The authorities take this as divine intervention and release the priest.
Next the drunkard comes to the guillotine. He also decides to die face up hoping that he will be as fortunate as the priest. They raise the blade of the guillotine, release it, it comes speeding down and suddenly stops just inches from his neck. So they release the drunkard as well.
The engineer is next. He too decides to die facing up. They slowly raise the blade of the guillotine, when suddenly the engineer says:
Hey, I see what your problem is!
Guillotine Thoughts
THE GAMBLER: I QUIT(MOM ALWAYS SAID YOU SHOULD QUIT WHILE YOU ARE A HEAD)
THE LONER: I AINT GOT NO BODY.
THE STOCK BROKER: I GOT A HEADS UP IN THEM STOCKS.
THE ACCOUNTANT: 176 177 178 179 18-----.
THE BASKETBALL PLAYER: SLAM DUNK AT LEAST I SCORED ON MY WAY OUT.
THE PORN STAR:WHEN I SAID I WANTED HEAD THIS ISN'T WHAT I MEANT.
ANOTHER GAMBLER:HEADS I WIN.
THE ARTHRITIC: OOOOOH THE BACK PAINS GONE.
THE JOCKEY: AWW LOST BY A HEAD.
THE SPIRTUALIST:IS THERE ANY BODY THERE.
THE PSYCIATRIST: NOW IM THE BASKET CASE.
THE LONER: I AINT GOT NO BODY.
THE STOCK BROKER: I GOT A HEADS UP IN THEM STOCKS.
THE ACCOUNTANT: 176 177 178 179 18-----.
THE BASKETBALL PLAYER: SLAM DUNK AT LEAST I SCORED ON MY WAY OUT.
THE PORN STAR:WHEN I SAID I WANTED HEAD THIS ISN'T WHAT I MEANT.
ANOTHER GAMBLER:HEADS I WIN.
THE ARTHRITIC: OOOOOH THE BACK PAINS GONE.
THE JOCKEY: AWW LOST BY A HEAD.
THE SPIRTUALIST:IS THERE ANY BODY THERE.
THE PSYCIATRIST: NOW IM THE BASKET CASE.
Einstein's Challenge
Einstein Quiz
Here's the quiz!
The Einstein Quiz: See if you are among the top 2% of people in the world. Albert Einstein created this quiz, stating that 98% of people in the world could not solve it. You will be presented with a list of facts, followed by a list of clues that will help you reach the objective at the end of this quiz.
FACTS:
1. There are 5 houses in 5 different colors
2. In each house lives a man with a different nationality.
3. These 5 owners drink a certain beverage, smoke a certain brand of cigar, and keep a certain pet.
4. No owners have the same pet, brand of cigar, or drink.
CLUES:
1. the Brit lives in a red house
2. the Swede keeps a dog
3. the Dane drinks tea
4. the green house is on the left of the white house.
5. the green house owner drinks coffee.
6. the person who smokes pall mall keeps birds.
7. the owner of the yellow house smokes dunhill.
8. the man living in the house right in the center drinks milk
9. the Norwegian lives in the first house.
10. the man who smokes blend lives next to the one who keeps cats
11. the man who keeps horses lives next to the man who smokes dunhill
12. the owner who smokes blue master drinks beer
13. the German smokes prince.
14. the Norwegian lives next to the blue house
15. the man who smokes blend has a neighbor who drinks water.
QUESTION:
Who keeps the fish?
Here's the quiz!
The Einstein Quiz: See if you are among the top 2% of people in the world. Albert Einstein created this quiz, stating that 98% of people in the world could not solve it. You will be presented with a list of facts, followed by a list of clues that will help you reach the objective at the end of this quiz.
FACTS:
1. There are 5 houses in 5 different colors
2. In each house lives a man with a different nationality.
3. These 5 owners drink a certain beverage, smoke a certain brand of cigar, and keep a certain pet.
4. No owners have the same pet, brand of cigar, or drink.
CLUES:
1. the Brit lives in a red house
2. the Swede keeps a dog
3. the Dane drinks tea
4. the green house is on the left of the white house.
5. the green house owner drinks coffee.
6. the person who smokes pall mall keeps birds.
7. the owner of the yellow house smokes dunhill.
8. the man living in the house right in the center drinks milk
9. the Norwegian lives in the first house.
10. the man who smokes blend lives next to the one who keeps cats
11. the man who keeps horses lives next to the man who smokes dunhill
12. the owner who smokes blue master drinks beer
13. the German smokes prince.
14. the Norwegian lives next to the blue house
15. the man who smokes blend has a neighbor who drinks water.
QUESTION:
Who keeps the fish?
Thursday, February 10, 2011
Monday, February 7, 2011
Saturday, February 5, 2011
Not so Funny Humor From Maxine
Let me get this straight . . . .
We're going to be "gifted" with a health care
plan we are forced to purchase and
fined if we don't,
Which purportedly covers at least
twenty million more people,
without adding a single new doctor,
but provides for 16,000 new IRS agents,
written by a committee whose chairman
says he doesn't understand it,
passed by a Congress that didn't read it but
exempted themselves from it,
and signed by a President who smokes,
with funding administered by a treasury chief who
didn't pay his taxes,
for which we'll be taxed for four years before any
benefits take effect,
by a government which has
already bankrupted Social Security and Medicare,
all to be overseen by a surgeon general
who is obese,
and financed by a country that's broke!!!!!
'What could
possibly go wrong?'
We're going to be "gifted" with a health care
plan we are forced to purchase and
fined if we don't,
Which purportedly covers at least
twenty million more people,
without adding a single new doctor,
but provides for 16,000 new IRS agents,
written by a committee whose chairman
says he doesn't understand it,
passed by a Congress that didn't read it but
exempted themselves from it,
and signed by a President who smokes,
with funding administered by a treasury chief who
didn't pay his taxes,
for which we'll be taxed for four years before any
benefits take effect,
by a government which has
already bankrupted Social Security and Medicare,
all to be overseen by a surgeon general
who is obese,
and financed by a country that's broke!!!!!
'What could
possibly go wrong?'
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
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