Tuesday, November 30, 2010
Monday, November 29, 2010
Monday, November 15, 2010
Sunday, November 14, 2010
Friday, November 12, 2010
I LIke Jokes
One morning, Kevin wakes up to find his dog dead, lying next to his bed. He can't quite believe it, so decides to take him to the vet. The Vet takes one look at the dog and says, "Kevin, I'm truly sorry, but your dog is dead."
"No. He can't be dead. I demand a second opinion!" replies Kevin.
The doctor nods and agrees. He goes into the back room and brings out a cat. The cat jumps all over the dog, bites it, looks at the vet and says, "Meow."
The vet again says, "I'm sorry but your dog is truly dead."
Kevin says, "No!, I don't believe it, I want another opinion."
The vet nods and brings out a Labrador Retriever, which then begins to jump all over the dead dog, tugging at it before barking, "Woof roof woof!"
The vet says, "Sir, your dog is dead. That will be 400 dollars."
" to tell me my dog is dead?" asks Kevin.
"Well," the vet replies, "I charge 50 dollars, the cat scan is 200 and the lab test is 150 dollars..."
There are two brothers, Sam and David. Sam asks David to to watch his house and cat while he is away on vacation. Sam calls David.
"Hey, how are things? House is still standing? How's my cat doing?"
David swallowed hard, "Well yeah man, your house is still standing. Nice place you have here by the way. Sorry to tell you this but you cat died though."
"What?" Sam said. "You just can't tell someone that their cat is dead. You have to break it down to them gently. The first time I call you should say that the cat is on the roof trying to catch a bird. The second call you should say that the cat lost its footing trying to catch the bird as it flew away, it fell and now it's at the vet. The third call you should be to tell me that the vet says that it's not looking good for the cat. On the fourth call you let me know that my cat died peacefully in its sleep."
David agreed.
"So," Sam continues. "How's Grandma?"
"Well, Grandma's on the roof playing with a bird."
"No. He can't be dead. I demand a second opinion!" replies Kevin.
The doctor nods and agrees. He goes into the back room and brings out a cat. The cat jumps all over the dog, bites it, looks at the vet and says, "Meow."
The vet again says, "I'm sorry but your dog is truly dead."
Kevin says, "No!, I don't believe it, I want another opinion."
The vet nods and brings out a Labrador Retriever, which then begins to jump all over the dead dog, tugging at it before barking, "Woof roof woof!"
The vet says, "Sir, your dog is dead. That will be 400 dollars."
" to tell me my dog is dead?" asks Kevin.
"Well," the vet replies, "I charge 50 dollars, the cat scan is 200 and the lab test is 150 dollars..."
There are two brothers, Sam and David. Sam asks David to to watch his house and cat while he is away on vacation. Sam calls David.
"Hey, how are things? House is still standing? How's my cat doing?"
David swallowed hard, "Well yeah man, your house is still standing. Nice place you have here by the way. Sorry to tell you this but you cat died though."
"What?" Sam said. "You just can't tell someone that their cat is dead. You have to break it down to them gently. The first time I call you should say that the cat is on the roof trying to catch a bird. The second call you should say that the cat lost its footing trying to catch the bird as it flew away, it fell and now it's at the vet. The third call you should be to tell me that the vet says that it's not looking good for the cat. On the fourth call you let me know that my cat died peacefully in its sleep."
David agreed.
"So," Sam continues. "How's Grandma?"
"Well, Grandma's on the roof playing with a bird."
Thursday, November 11, 2010
Think Outside the Box!!!
Voice Box Soap Box Mail Box Ballot Box Jury Box Ammunition Box
Pine Box Tinder Box Cereal Box Pandora's Box Toy Box Jack in the Box
Cardboard Box Ice Box XBox Litter Box Call Box Juke Box
Juice Box Shoe Box Music Box Tackle Box Boom Box Black Box
Strong Box Jewelry Box Candy Box Toll Box Crayon Box In Box
Out Box Spam Box Cash Box Pill Box Beat Box Match Box
Lunch Box Tool Box Lock Box Text Box Shadow Box Check Box
Craft Box Smoke Box Draft Box Donation Box Kick Box Bread Box
Red Box Tee Box Penalty Box Sand Box Sentry Box Guard Box
Tin Box Batter's Box Luxury Box Press Box Pizza Box Take out Box
Gear Box Bear Box Cracker Box Suggestion Box Glove Box Pencil Box
Prayer Box Tissue Box Hat Box Snuff Box Gift Box Chocolate Box
Coal Box Wood Box Junk Box Moving Box Cigar Box Sky Box
Rice Box Raffle Box To Go Box Feed Box Cable Box Time Box
Offering Box Lego Box UPS Box FEDEX Box Empty Box Recycle Box
Oversize Box Goalie Box Nothing Box Origmai Box
Pine Box Tinder Box Cereal Box Pandora's Box Toy Box Jack in the Box
Cardboard Box Ice Box XBox Litter Box Call Box Juke Box
Juice Box Shoe Box Music Box Tackle Box Boom Box Black Box
Strong Box Jewelry Box Candy Box Toll Box Crayon Box In Box
Out Box Spam Box Cash Box Pill Box Beat Box Match Box
Lunch Box Tool Box Lock Box Text Box Shadow Box Check Box
Craft Box Smoke Box Draft Box Donation Box Kick Box Bread Box
Red Box Tee Box Penalty Box Sand Box Sentry Box Guard Box
Tin Box Batter's Box Luxury Box Press Box Pizza Box Take out Box
Gear Box Bear Box Cracker Box Suggestion Box Glove Box Pencil Box
Prayer Box Tissue Box Hat Box Snuff Box Gift Box Chocolate Box
Coal Box Wood Box Junk Box Moving Box Cigar Box Sky Box
Rice Box Raffle Box To Go Box Feed Box Cable Box Time Box
Offering Box Lego Box UPS Box FEDEX Box Empty Box Recycle Box
Oversize Box Goalie Box Nothing Box Origmai Box
Saturday, November 6, 2010
Friday, November 5, 2010
Thursday, November 4, 2010
Awesome joke - Red Shirt
Seems there was a treasure ship on its way back to port. About
halfway there, it was approached by a pirate, skull and crossbones waving
in the breeze!
"Captain, captain, what do we do?" asked the first mate.
"First mate," said the captain, "go to my cabin, open my sea
chest, and bring me my red shirt." The first mate did so.
Wearing his bright red shirt, the captain exhorted his crew to
fight. So inspiring was he, in fact, that the pirate ship was repelled
without casualties.
A few days later, the ship was again approached, this time by two
pirate sloops!
"Captain, captain, what should we do?"
"First mate, bring me my red shirt!"
The crew, emboldened by their fearless captain, fought heroically, and
managed to defeat both boarding parties, though they took many
casualties. That night, the survivors had a great celebration. The
first mate asked the captain the secret of his bright red shirt.
"It's simple, first mate. If I am wounded, the blood does not
show, and the crew continues to fight without fear."
A week passed, and they were nearing their home port, when
suddenly the lookout cried that ten ships of the enemy's armada were
approaching!
"Captain, captain, we're in terrible trouble, what do we do?"
The first mate looked expectantly at the miracle worker.
Pale with fear, the captain commanded, "First mate.... bring me my
brown pants!"
halfway there, it was approached by a pirate, skull and crossbones waving
in the breeze!
"Captain, captain, what do we do?" asked the first mate.
"First mate," said the captain, "go to my cabin, open my sea
chest, and bring me my red shirt." The first mate did so.
Wearing his bright red shirt, the captain exhorted his crew to
fight. So inspiring was he, in fact, that the pirate ship was repelled
without casualties.
A few days later, the ship was again approached, this time by two
pirate sloops!
"Captain, captain, what should we do?"
"First mate, bring me my red shirt!"
The crew, emboldened by their fearless captain, fought heroically, and
managed to defeat both boarding parties, though they took many
casualties. That night, the survivors had a great celebration. The
first mate asked the captain the secret of his bright red shirt.
"It's simple, first mate. If I am wounded, the blood does not
show, and the crew continues to fight without fear."
A week passed, and they were nearing their home port, when
suddenly the lookout cried that ten ships of the enemy's armada were
approaching!
"Captain, captain, we're in terrible trouble, what do we do?"
The first mate looked expectantly at the miracle worker.
Pale with fear, the captain commanded, "First mate.... bring me my
brown pants!"
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