Saturday, December 20, 2008
Saturday, December 6, 2008
Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson are camping in the desert...
Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson are camping in the desert.
They have set-up their tent and are asleep.
Some hours later, Holmes wakes his faithful friend.
"Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see".
Dr. Watson replies, "I see millions of stars."
"What does that tell you?" asks Sherlock Holmes.
Dr. Watson ponders for a minute and replies,
"Astronomically speaking, it tells me that there are millions
of galaxies playing host to billions of stars and planets.
Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo.
Time wise, it appears to be approximately 3:15 AM.
Theologically, it is evident the Lord is all powerful
and as small insignificant beings, we pale in His/Her presence.
Meteorologically, we are in for a clear and beautiful day tomorrow
with a light easterly breeze in the morning.
What does it tell you, Holmes?"
Sherlock Holmes is silent for a moment,
then looking at Dr. Watson, he says:
"It tells ME that someone has stolen our tent."
Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson are camping in the desert.
They have set-up their tent and are asleep.
Some hours later, Holmes wakes his faithful friend.
"Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see".
Dr. Watson replies, "I see millions of stars."
"What does that tell you?" asks Sherlock Holmes.
Dr. Watson ponders for a minute and replies,
"Astronomically speaking, it tells me that there are millions
of galaxies playing host to billions of stars and planets.
Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo.
Time wise, it appears to be approximately 3:15 AM.
Theologically, it is evident the Lord is all powerful
and as small insignificant beings, we pale in His/Her presence.
Meteorologically, we are in for a clear and beautiful day tomorrow
with a light easterly breeze in the morning.
What does it tell you, Holmes?"
Sherlock Holmes is silent for a moment,
then looking at Dr. Watson, he says:
"It tells ME that someone has stolen our tent."
The Hokey-Poke
The following is from the Washington Post Style Invitational contest that asked readers to submit "instructions" for something (anything), but written in the style of a famous person. The winning entry was The Hokey Pokey (as written by William Shakespeare).
O proud left foot, that ventures quick within
Then soon upon a backward journey lithe.
Anon, once more the gesture, then begin:
Command sinistral pedestal to writhe.
Commence thou then the fervid Hokey-Poke,
A mad gyration, hips in wanton swirl.
To spin! A wilde release from Heavens yoke.
Blessed dervish! Surely canst go, girl.
The Hoke, the poke -- banish now thy doubt
Verily, I say, 'tis what it's all about.
-- by "William Shakespeare"
Written by Jeff Brechlin, Potomac Falls, Maryland, and submitted by Katherine St. John.
The following is from the Washington Post Style Invitational contest that asked readers to submit "instructions" for something (anything), but written in the style of a famous person. The winning entry was The Hokey Pokey (as written by William Shakespeare).
O proud left foot, that ventures quick within
Then soon upon a backward journey lithe.
Anon, once more the gesture, then begin:
Command sinistral pedestal to writhe.
Commence thou then the fervid Hokey-Poke,
A mad gyration, hips in wanton swirl.
To spin! A wilde release from Heavens yoke.
Blessed dervish! Surely canst go, girl.
The Hoke, the poke -- banish now thy doubt
Verily, I say, 'tis what it's all about.
-- by "William Shakespeare"
Written by Jeff Brechlin, Potomac Falls, Maryland, and submitted by Katherine St. John.
Saturday, November 29, 2008
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
Sunday, November 16, 2008
Saturday, November 15, 2008
Monday, November 10, 2008
Don't Say IT! - Irritating Phrases
The top ten most irritating phrases:
1 - At the end of the day
2 - Fairly unique
3 - I personally
4 - At this moment in time
5 - With all due respect
6 - Absolutely
7 - It's a nightmare
8 - Shouldn't of
9 - 24/7
10 - It's not rocket science
1 - At the end of the day
2 - Fairly unique
3 - I personally
4 - At this moment in time
5 - With all due respect
6 - Absolutely
7 - It's a nightmare
8 - Shouldn't of
9 - 24/7
10 - It's not rocket science
Sunday, October 26, 2008
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
Fun Facts
Things You Probably Already Know, But Have Forgotten
1. Money isn't made out of paper, it's made out of cotton.
2. The Declaration of Independence was written on hemp paper.
3. The dot over the letter i is called a "tittle."
4. A raisin dropped in a glass of fresh champagne will bounce up and down continuously from the bottom of the glass to the top.
5. 40% of McDonald's profits come from the sales of Happy Meals.
6. 315 entries in Webster's 1996 Dictionary were misspelled.
7. On average, 12 newborns will be given to the wrong parents, daily.
8. Warren Beatty and Shirley MacLaine are brother and sister.
9. Chocolate affects a dog's heart and nervous system; a few ounces will kill a small sized dog.
10. Orcas (killer whales) kill sharks by torpedoing up into the shark's stomach from underneath, causing the shark to explode.
11. Most lipstick contains fish scales.
12. Donald Duck comics were banned from Finland because he doesn't wear pants.
13. Ketchup was sold in the 1830s as medicine.
14. Upper and lower case letters are named 'upper' and 'lower' because in the time when all original print had to be set in individual letters, the 'upper case' letters were stored in the case on top of the case that stored the smaller, 'lower case' letters.
15. Leonardo da Vinci could write with one hand and draw with the other at the same time.
16. Because metal was scarce, the Oscars given out during World War II were made of wood.
17. There are no clocks in Las Vegas gambling casinos.
18. The name Wendy was made up for the book Peter Pan; there was never a recorded Wendy before!
19. There are no words in the dictionary that rhyme with: orange, purple, and silver!
20. Leonardo Da Vinci invented scissors. Also, it took him 10 years to paint Mona Lisa's lips.
21. A tiny amount of liquor on a scorpion will make it instantly go mad and sting itself to death.
22. The mask used by Michael Myers in the original "Halloween" was a Captain Kirk mask painted white.
23. If you have three quarters, four dimes, and four pennies, you have $1.19. You also have the largest amount of money in coins without being able to make change for a dollar (good to know.)
24. By raising your legs slowly and lying on your back, you can't sink in quicksand (and you thought this list was completely useless.)
25. The phrase "rule of thumb" is derived from an old English law, which stated that you couldn't beat your wife with anything wider than your thumb (sign of a truely civilized society.)
26. The first product Motorola started to develop was a record player for automobiles. At that time, the most known player on the market was the Victrola, so they called themselves Motorola.
27. Celery has negative calories! It takes more calories to eat a piece of celery than the celery has in it to begin with. It's the same with apples!
28. Chewing gum while peeling onions will keep you from crying!
29. The glue on Israeli postage stamps is certified kosher.
30. Guinness Book of Records holds the record for being the book most often stolen from Public Libraries.
31. Astronauts are not allowed to eat beans before they go into space because passing wind in a space suit damages it.
1. Money isn't made out of paper, it's made out of cotton.
2. The Declaration of Independence was written on hemp paper.
3. The dot over the letter i is called a "tittle."
4. A raisin dropped in a glass of fresh champagne will bounce up and down continuously from the bottom of the glass to the top.
5. 40% of McDonald's profits come from the sales of Happy Meals.
6. 315 entries in Webster's 1996 Dictionary were misspelled.
7. On average, 12 newborns will be given to the wrong parents, daily.
8. Warren Beatty and Shirley MacLaine are brother and sister.
9. Chocolate affects a dog's heart and nervous system; a few ounces will kill a small sized dog.
10. Orcas (killer whales) kill sharks by torpedoing up into the shark's stomach from underneath, causing the shark to explode.
11. Most lipstick contains fish scales.
12. Donald Duck comics were banned from Finland because he doesn't wear pants.
13. Ketchup was sold in the 1830s as medicine.
14. Upper and lower case letters are named 'upper' and 'lower' because in the time when all original print had to be set in individual letters, the 'upper case' letters were stored in the case on top of the case that stored the smaller, 'lower case' letters.
15. Leonardo da Vinci could write with one hand and draw with the other at the same time.
16. Because metal was scarce, the Oscars given out during World War II were made of wood.
17. There are no clocks in Las Vegas gambling casinos.
18. The name Wendy was made up for the book Peter Pan; there was never a recorded Wendy before!
19. There are no words in the dictionary that rhyme with: orange, purple, and silver!
20. Leonardo Da Vinci invented scissors. Also, it took him 10 years to paint Mona Lisa's lips.
21. A tiny amount of liquor on a scorpion will make it instantly go mad and sting itself to death.
22. The mask used by Michael Myers in the original "Halloween" was a Captain Kirk mask painted white.
23. If you have three quarters, four dimes, and four pennies, you have $1.19. You also have the largest amount of money in coins without being able to make change for a dollar (good to know.)
24. By raising your legs slowly and lying on your back, you can't sink in quicksand (and you thought this list was completely useless.)
25. The phrase "rule of thumb" is derived from an old English law, which stated that you couldn't beat your wife with anything wider than your thumb (sign of a truely civilized society.)
26. The first product Motorola started to develop was a record player for automobiles. At that time, the most known player on the market was the Victrola, so they called themselves Motorola.
27. Celery has negative calories! It takes more calories to eat a piece of celery than the celery has in it to begin with. It's the same with apples!
28. Chewing gum while peeling onions will keep you from crying!
29. The glue on Israeli postage stamps is certified kosher.
30. Guinness Book of Records holds the record for being the book most often stolen from Public Libraries.
31. Astronauts are not allowed to eat beans before they go into space because passing wind in a space suit damages it.
Wednesday, October 8, 2008
Saturday, October 4, 2008
Tuesday, September 30, 2008
Saturday, September 27, 2008
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
Grown Up Joke
I asked my friend's little girl what she wanted to be when she grows up.
She said she wanted to be President some day. Both of her parents,
liberal Democrats , were standing there, so I asked her, 'If you were President
what would be the first thing you would do?'
She replied, 'I'd give food and houses to all the homeless people.'
'Wow...what a worthy goal.' I told her, 'You don't have to wait until
you're President to do that. You can come over to my house and mow, pull
weeds, and rake my yard, and I'll pay you $50. - Then I'll take you over
to the grocery store where the homeless guy hangs out, and you can give
him the $50 to use toward food and a new house.'
She thought that over for a few seconds while her Mom glared at me, then
she looked me straight in the eye and asked, 'Why doesn't the homeless
guy come over and do the work, and you can just pay him the $50?'
I said, 'Welcome to the Republican Party.'
Her folks still aren't talking to me.
She said she wanted to be President some day. Both of her parents,
liberal Democrats , were standing there, so I asked her, 'If you were President
what would be the first thing you would do?'
She replied, 'I'd give food and houses to all the homeless people.'
'Wow...what a worthy goal.' I told her, 'You don't have to wait until
you're President to do that. You can come over to my house and mow, pull
weeds, and rake my yard, and I'll pay you $50. - Then I'll take you over
to the grocery store where the homeless guy hangs out, and you can give
him the $50 to use toward food and a new house.'
She thought that over for a few seconds while her Mom glared at me, then
she looked me straight in the eye and asked, 'Why doesn't the homeless
guy come over and do the work, and you can just pay him the $50?'
I said, 'Welcome to the Republican Party.'
Her folks still aren't talking to me.
Sunday, August 31, 2008
Don't Take Life Too Seriously; Maintain a Healthy Level of Insanity
At lunch time, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on an point a hair dryer at passing cars. See if they slow down.
Page yourself over the intercom. Don’t disguise your voice.
Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that
Put your garbage can on your desk and label it “in”.
Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.
In the memo field of all your checks, write “For smuggling diamonds.”
Finish all your sentences with “In accordance with the prophecy”
Don’t use punctuation.
As often as possible, skip rather than walk.
Order a diet water weather whenever you go out to eat…use a serious face.
Specify that your drive-through order is “to go.”
Sing along at the opera.
Put mosquito netting around your work area and play tropical sounds all day.
Five days in advance, Tell your friends you can’t attend their party because your not in the mood.
Have your coworkers address you by your wrestling name, Rock Bottom.
When leaving the zoo, start running towards the parking lot, yelling “Run for your lives, they’re loose.
Tell your children over dinner, ‘Due to the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go…”
Page yourself over the intercom. Don’t disguise your voice.
Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that
Put your garbage can on your desk and label it “in”.
Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.
In the memo field of all your checks, write “For smuggling diamonds.”
Finish all your sentences with “In accordance with the prophecy”
Don’t use punctuation.
As often as possible, skip rather than walk.
Order a diet water weather whenever you go out to eat…use a serious face.
Specify that your drive-through order is “to go.”
Sing along at the opera.
Put mosquito netting around your work area and play tropical sounds all day.
Five days in advance, Tell your friends you can’t attend their party because your not in the mood.
Have your coworkers address you by your wrestling name, Rock Bottom.
When leaving the zoo, start running towards the parking lot, yelling “Run for your lives, they’re loose.
Tell your children over dinner, ‘Due to the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go…”
Friday, August 15, 2008
Wednesday, August 6, 2008
Great Quote about Democracy
It has been said that democracy is the worst form of government except all the others that have been tried.
Sir Winston Churchill
British politician (1874 - 1965)
Sir Winston Churchill
British politician (1874 - 1965)
Saturday, August 2, 2008
Sunday, July 27, 2008
Wednesday, July 16, 2008
101 One Liners
101 of the World's Funniest One Liners
1. Ninety-nine percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
2. Borrow money from a pessimist -- they don't expect it back.
3. Time is what keeps things from happening all at once.
4. Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.
5. I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.
6. Never answer an anonymous letter.
7. It's lonely at the top; but you do eat better.
8. I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.
9. Always go to other people's funerals, or they won't go to yours.
10. Few women admit their age; few men act it.
11. If we aren't supposed to eat animals, why are they made with meat?
12. No one is listening until you make a mistake.
13. Give me ambiguity or give me something else.
14. We have enough youth. How about a fountain of "Smart"?
15. He who laughs last thinks slowest.
16. Campers: Nature's way of feeding mosquitoes.
17. Always remember that you are unique; just like everyone else.
18. Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
19. There are three kinds of people: Those who can count and those who can't.
20. Why is "abbreviation" such a long word?
21. Nuke the Whales.
22. Save a tree. Eat a beaver.
23. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
24. Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
25. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
26. As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools.
27. Laugh alone and the world thinks you're an idiot.
28. Sometimes I wake up grumpy; other times I let her sleep.
29. The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the ability to reach it.
30. You can't have everything; where would you put it?
31. I took an IQ test and the results were negative.
32. Okay, who stopped the payment on my reality check?
Editorial: Probably the most thought-provoking one-liner is " Eat right. Stay fit. Die anyway ." It's sad but true—no matter what you do, you will die. This is because you have sinned against God. Let's see if that's true: Have you ever lied (even once)? Ever stolen (anything)? Jesus said, "Whoever looks upon a woman to lust after her, has committed adultery already with her in his heart." Ever looked with lust? If you have said "Yes" to these three questions, by your own admission, you are a lying, thieving, adulterer at heart; and we've only looked at three of the Ten Commandments. How will you do on Judgment Day? Will you be innocent or guilty? You know that you will be guilty, and end up in Hell. That's not God's will. He provided a way for you to be forgiven. He sent His Son to take your punishment: "God commended His love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us." Jesus then rose from the dead and defeated death. "Repent and be baptized in the name of Jesus Christ for the remission of sins, and you will receive the gift of the Holy Spirit"—everlasting life. Then read the Bible daily and obey what you read. God will never let you down.
33. We are born naked, wet and hungry. Then things get worse.
34. Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home.
35. DNA: National Dyslexic Association.
36. If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
37. I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be without sponges.
38. Eat right. Stay fit. Die anyway.
39. DARE to keep cops off donuts.
40. Nothing is fool proof to a sufficiently talented fool.
41. On the other hand, you have different fingers.
42. Dyslexics of the world, untie!
43. God made mankind. Sin made him evil.
44. I don't find it hard to meet expenses. They're everywhere.
45. I just let my mind wander, and it didn't come back.
46. Don't steal. The government hates competition.
47. Humpty Dumpty was pushed.
48. National Atheist's Day April 1st.
49. All generalizations are false.
50. The more people I meet, the more I like my dog.
51. Work is for people who don't know how to fish.
52. If you don't like the news, go out and make some.
53. For every action there is an equal and opposite criticism.
54. IRS: We've got what it takes to take what you have got.
55. I'm out of bed and dressed. What more do you want?
56. I used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm not too sure.
57. I can handle pain until it hurts.
58. No matter where you go, you're there.
59. If everything is coming your way, then you're in the wrong lane.
60. It's been Monday all week.
61. Gravity always gets me down.
62. This statement is false.
63. Eschew obfuscation.
64. They told me I was gullible...and I believed them.
65. It's bad luck to be superstitious.
66. According to my best recollection, I don't remember.
67. The word "gullible" isn't in the dictionary.
68. Honk if you like peace and quiet.
69. The Big Bang Theory: God Spoke and BANG! it happened.
70. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
71. Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how it remains so popular?
72. Save the whales. Collect the whole set.
73. A day without sunshine is like, night.
74. The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
75. Corduroy pillows: They're making headlines!
76. Gravity- It's not just a good idea, it's the LAW!
77. Life is too complicated in the morning.
78. We are all part of the ultimate statistic—ten out of ten die.
79. Nobody's perfect. I'm a Nobody.
80. Ask me about my vow of silence.
81. The hardness of butter is directly proportional to the softness of the bread.
82. The last thing on earth you want to do will be the last thing you do.
83. Diplomacy is the art of letting someone else get your way.
84. If ignorance is bliss, then tourists are in a constant state of euphoria.
85. If at first you don't succeed, don't try skydiving.
86. If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
87. Stop repeat offenders. Don't re-elect them!
88. I intend to live forever. So far so good.
89. Who is "General Failure" and why is he reading my hard disk?
90. What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
91. I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.
92. Energizer Bunny arrested; charged with battery.
93. I didn't use to finish sentences, but now I
94. I've had amnesia as long as I can remember.
95. Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.
96. Vacation begins when Dad says, "I know a short cut."
97. Evolution: True science fiction.
98. What's another word for Thesaurus?
99. Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time.
100. A flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries.
101. I went to the fights, and a hockey game broke out.
. . . Don't forget to read the editorial!
1. Ninety-nine percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
2. Borrow money from a pessimist -- they don't expect it back.
3. Time is what keeps things from happening all at once.
4. Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.
5. I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.
6. Never answer an anonymous letter.
7. It's lonely at the top; but you do eat better.
8. I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.
9. Always go to other people's funerals, or they won't go to yours.
10. Few women admit their age; few men act it.
11. If we aren't supposed to eat animals, why are they made with meat?
12. No one is listening until you make a mistake.
13. Give me ambiguity or give me something else.
14. We have enough youth. How about a fountain of "Smart"?
15. He who laughs last thinks slowest.
16. Campers: Nature's way of feeding mosquitoes.
17. Always remember that you are unique; just like everyone else.
18. Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
19. There are three kinds of people: Those who can count and those who can't.
20. Why is "abbreviation" such a long word?
21. Nuke the Whales.
22. Save a tree. Eat a beaver.
23. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
24. Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
25. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
26. As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools.
27. Laugh alone and the world thinks you're an idiot.
28. Sometimes I wake up grumpy; other times I let her sleep.
29. The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the ability to reach it.
30. You can't have everything; where would you put it?
31. I took an IQ test and the results were negative.
32. Okay, who stopped the payment on my reality check?
Editorial: Probably the most thought-provoking one-liner is " Eat right. Stay fit. Die anyway ." It's sad but true—no matter what you do, you will die. This is because you have sinned against God. Let's see if that's true: Have you ever lied (even once)? Ever stolen (anything)? Jesus said, "Whoever looks upon a woman to lust after her, has committed adultery already with her in his heart." Ever looked with lust? If you have said "Yes" to these three questions, by your own admission, you are a lying, thieving, adulterer at heart; and we've only looked at three of the Ten Commandments. How will you do on Judgment Day? Will you be innocent or guilty? You know that you will be guilty, and end up in Hell. That's not God's will. He provided a way for you to be forgiven. He sent His Son to take your punishment: "God commended His love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us." Jesus then rose from the dead and defeated death. "Repent and be baptized in the name of Jesus Christ for the remission of sins, and you will receive the gift of the Holy Spirit"—everlasting life. Then read the Bible daily and obey what you read. God will never let you down.
33. We are born naked, wet and hungry. Then things get worse.
34. Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home.
35. DNA: National Dyslexic Association.
36. If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
37. I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be without sponges.
38. Eat right. Stay fit. Die anyway.
39. DARE to keep cops off donuts.
40. Nothing is fool proof to a sufficiently talented fool.
41. On the other hand, you have different fingers.
42. Dyslexics of the world, untie!
43. God made mankind. Sin made him evil.
44. I don't find it hard to meet expenses. They're everywhere.
45. I just let my mind wander, and it didn't come back.
46. Don't steal. The government hates competition.
47. Humpty Dumpty was pushed.
48. National Atheist's Day April 1st.
49. All generalizations are false.
50. The more people I meet, the more I like my dog.
51. Work is for people who don't know how to fish.
52. If you don't like the news, go out and make some.
53. For every action there is an equal and opposite criticism.
54. IRS: We've got what it takes to take what you have got.
55. I'm out of bed and dressed. What more do you want?
56. I used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm not too sure.
57. I can handle pain until it hurts.
58. No matter where you go, you're there.
59. If everything is coming your way, then you're in the wrong lane.
60. It's been Monday all week.
61. Gravity always gets me down.
62. This statement is false.
63. Eschew obfuscation.
64. They told me I was gullible...and I believed them.
65. It's bad luck to be superstitious.
66. According to my best recollection, I don't remember.
67. The word "gullible" isn't in the dictionary.
68. Honk if you like peace and quiet.
69. The Big Bang Theory: God Spoke and BANG! it happened.
70. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
71. Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how it remains so popular?
72. Save the whales. Collect the whole set.
73. A day without sunshine is like, night.
74. The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
75. Corduroy pillows: They're making headlines!
76. Gravity- It's not just a good idea, it's the LAW!
77. Life is too complicated in the morning.
78. We are all part of the ultimate statistic—ten out of ten die.
79. Nobody's perfect. I'm a Nobody.
80. Ask me about my vow of silence.
81. The hardness of butter is directly proportional to the softness of the bread.
82. The last thing on earth you want to do will be the last thing you do.
83. Diplomacy is the art of letting someone else get your way.
84. If ignorance is bliss, then tourists are in a constant state of euphoria.
85. If at first you don't succeed, don't try skydiving.
86. If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
87. Stop repeat offenders. Don't re-elect them!
88. I intend to live forever. So far so good.
89. Who is "General Failure" and why is he reading my hard disk?
90. What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
91. I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.
92. Energizer Bunny arrested; charged with battery.
93. I didn't use to finish sentences, but now I
94. I've had amnesia as long as I can remember.
95. Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.
96. Vacation begins when Dad says, "I know a short cut."
97. Evolution: True science fiction.
98. What's another word for Thesaurus?
99. Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time.
100. A flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries.
101. I went to the fights, and a hockey game broke out.
. . . Don't forget to read the editorial!
100 Great Comedies - How many have you seen?
1. Duck Soup - (1933) (Marx Brothers)
2. Some Like It Hot - (1959) (Jack Lemmon, Tony Curtis, Marilyn Monroe)
3. Monty Python and the Holy Grail - (1975) (Terry Gilliam, John Cleese, Eric Idle, etc.)
4. Airplane! - (1980) (Robert Hayes, Julie Hagerty)
5. "Dr. Strangelove" - (1964) (Peter Sellers, George C. Scott)
6. Blazing Saddles - (1974) (Mel Brooks, Gene Wilder)
7. What's Up, Doc? - (1972) (Barbra Striesand, Ryan O'Neil)
8. National Lampoon's Animal House - (1978) (John Belushi, Tim Matheson)
9. A Night At The Opera - (1935) (Marx Brothers)
10. The Odd Couple - (1968) (Jack Lemmon, Walter Matthau)
11. Annie Hall - (1977) (Woody Allen, Diane Keaton, Tony Roberts)
12. The Producers - (1968) (Zero Mostel, Gene Wilder, Dick Shawn)
13. The Gold Rush - (1925) (Charles Chaplin, Mack Swain, Tom Murray)
14. Tootsie - (1982) (Dustin Hoffman, Jessica lange, Bill Murray)
15. Young Frankenstein - (1974) (Gene Wilder, Marty Feldman, Peter Boyle)
16. Bringing Up Baby - (1938) (Cary Grant, Katharine Hepburn)
17. Arthur - (1981) (Dudley Moore, Liza Minnelli)
18. Bananas - (1971) (Woody Allen, Carlos Montalban)
19. Take The Money And Run - (1969) (Woody Allen, Janet Margolin)
20. Modern Times - (1933) (Charles Chaplin, Paulette Goddard, Henry Bergman)
21. A Shot In The Dark - (1964) (Peter Sellers, Elke Sommer)
22. No Time For Sergeants - (1958) (Andy Griffith, Mervyn LeRoy)
23. Adam's Rib - (1949) (Spencer Tracy, Katharine Hepburn)
24. It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World - (1963) (Milton Berle, Jonathan Winters)
25. M*A*S*H - (1970) (Elliott Gould, Donald Sutherland, Sally Kellerman)
26. Lost In America - (1985) (Albert Brooks, Julie Hagerty, Sylvia Farrel)
27. National Lampoon's Vacation - (1983) (Chevy Chase, Beverly D'Angelo)
28. The Pink Panther - (1964) (Peter Sellers, David Niven, Robert Wagner)
29. A Day At The Races - (1937) (Marx Brothers)
30. Caddyshack - (1980) (Bill Murray, Rodney Dangerfield, Ted Knight)
31. The Court Jester - (1956) (Danny Kaye, Basil Rathbone, Angela Lansbury)
32. Sullivan's Travels - (1941) (Joel McCrea, Veronica Lake)
33. Road To Morocco - (1942) (Bob Hope, Bing Crosby, Dorothy Lamour)
34. This Is Spinal Tap - (1984) (Michael McKean, Christopher Guest, Harry Shearer)
35. Ghost Busters - (1984) (Bill Murray, Dan Aykroyd, Sigourney Weaver)
36. Groundhog Day - (1993) (Bill Murray, Andie MacDowell, Chris Elliott)
37. The Birdcage - (1996) (Robin Williams, Nathan Lane)
38. Borat - (2006) (Sacha Baron Cohen, Ken Davitian)
39. Ferris Bueller's Day Off - (1986) (Matthew Broderick, Alan Ruck, Mia Sara)
40. His Girl Friday - (1940) (Cary Grant, Rosalind Russell)
41. The Naked Gun - (1988) (Leslie Nielsen, Priscilla Presley)
42. Sleeper - (1973) (Woody Allen, Diane Keaton)
43. Spaceballs - (1987) (Rick Moranis, Bill Pullman, John Candy)
44. Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery - (1997) (Mike Myers, Elizabeth Hurley)
45. Ace Ventura: Pet Detective - (1994) (Jim Carrey, Sean Young)
46. Born Yesterday - (1950) (Judy Holliday, Broderick Crawford, William Holden)
47. History of the World: Part 1 - (1981) (Mel Brooks, Madeline Kahn, Gregory Hines)
48. The Great Dictator - (1940) (Charles Chaplin, Paulette Goddard, Jack Oakie)
49. The Front Page - (1974) (Jack Lemmon, Walter Matthau)
50. Top Secret - (1984) (Val Kilmer, Lucy Gutteridge, Omar Sharif)
51. Home Alone - (1990) (Macaulay Culkin, Joe Pesci, Daniel Stern)
52. Meet the Parents - (2000) (Robert De Niro, Ben Stiller)
53. To Be or Not to Be - (1942) (Carole Lombard, Jack Benny, Robert Stack)
54. The Inspector General - (1949) (Danny Kaye, Alan Hale, Walter Slezak)
55. The Jerk - (1979) (Steve Martin, Bernadette Peters)
56. The Big Lebowski - (1998) (Jeff Bridges, John Goodman)
57. Fast Times At Ridgemont High - (1982) (Sean Penn, Jennifer Jason Leigh)
58. The Mouse That Roared - (1959) (Peter Sellers, Jean Seberg)
59. There's Something About Mary - (1998) (Cameron Diaz, Ben Stiller, Matt Dillon)
60. City Slickers - (1991) (Billy Crystal, Daniel Stern)
61. The Nutty Professor - (1963) (Jerry Lewis, Stella Stevens)
62. My Cousin Vinny - (1992) (Joe Pesci, Marisa Tomei, Fred Gwynne)
63. Little Miss Sunshine - (2006) (Greg Kinnear, Alan Arkin, Steve Carell)
64. Silver Streak - (1976) (Gene Wilder, Richard Pryor, Jill Clayburgh)
65. Mrs. Doubtfire - (1993) (Robin Williams, Sally Field, Pierce Brosnan)
66. Scary Movie - (2000) (Keenen Ivory Wayans, Anna Faris, Shawn Wayans)
67. Bill And Ted's Excellent Adventure -(1989) (Keanu Reeves, Alex Winter)
68. Stir Crazy - (1981) (Richard Pryor, Gene Wilder)
69. Arsenic and Old Lace - (1944) (Cary Grant, Josephine Hull, Peter Lorre)
70. Beverly Hills Cop - (1984) (Eddie Murphy, Judge Reinhold)
71. Private Benjamin - (1980) (Goldie Hawn, Eileen Brennan)
72. Harvey - (1950) (James Stewart, Josephine Hull)
73. Way Out West - (1937) (Stan Laurel, Oliver Hardy)
74. National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation - (1989) (Chevy Chase, Randy Quaid)
75. Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Sex... - (1972) (Woody Allen)
76. Monty Python's Life Of Brian - (1979) (John Cleese, Eric Idle)
77. Meatballs - (1979) (Bill Murray, Harvey Atkin, Kate Lynch)
78. Good Neighbor Sam - (1964) (Jack Lemmon, Romy Schneider, Dorothy Provine)
79. Cat Ballou - (1965) (Jane Fonda, Lee Marvin, Dwayne Hickman)
80. Rush Hour - (1998) (Jackie Chan, Chris Tucker)
81. Up In Smoke - (1978) (Cheech & Chong)
82. A Fish Called Wanda - (1988) (John Cleese, Kevin Kline, Jamie Lee Curtis)
83. The 40 Year Old Virgin - (2005) (Steve Carell, Catherine Keener)
84. The Bank Dick - (1940) (W.C. Fields, Shemp Howard)
85. Ruthless People - (1986) (Bette Midler, Danny DeVito)
86. The Money Pit - (1986) (Tom Hanks, Shelley Long)
87. Babes in Toyland - (1934) (Stan Laurel, Oliver Hardy)
88. Tommy Boy - (1995) (Chris Farley, David Spade)
89. Dumb and Dumber - (1994) (Jim Carrey, Jeff Daniels)
90. Multiplicity - (1996) (Michael Keaton, Andie MacDowell, Eugene Levy)
91. Monty Python's Meaning Of Life - (1983) (John Cleese, Eric Idle)
92. The Egg and I - (1947) (Claudette Colbert, Fred MacMurray, Percy Kilbride)
93. Hot Shots - (1991) (Charlie Sheen, Cary Elwes, Lloyd Bridges)
94. The Family Jewels - (1965) (Jerry Lewis, Sebastian Cabot)
95. Robin Hood: Men In Tights - (1993) (Cary Elwes, Dave Chapelle, Richard Lewis)
96. Dirty Rotten Scoundrels - (1988) (Steve Martin, Michael Caine)
97. Wayne's World - (1992) (Mike Myers, Dana Carvey, Rob Lowe)
98. Three Amigos! - (1986) (Chevy Chase, Steve Martin, Martin Short)
99. Sister Act - (1992) (Whoopi Goldberg, Kathy Najimy)
100. Operation Petticoat - (1959) (Cary Grant, Tony Curtis, Gavin MacLeod)
2. Some Like It Hot - (1959) (Jack Lemmon, Tony Curtis, Marilyn Monroe)
3. Monty Python and the Holy Grail - (1975) (Terry Gilliam, John Cleese, Eric Idle, etc.)
4. Airplane! - (1980) (Robert Hayes, Julie Hagerty)
5. "Dr. Strangelove" - (1964) (Peter Sellers, George C. Scott)
6. Blazing Saddles - (1974) (Mel Brooks, Gene Wilder)
7. What's Up, Doc? - (1972) (Barbra Striesand, Ryan O'Neil)
8. National Lampoon's Animal House - (1978) (John Belushi, Tim Matheson)
9. A Night At The Opera - (1935) (Marx Brothers)
10. The Odd Couple - (1968) (Jack Lemmon, Walter Matthau)
11. Annie Hall - (1977) (Woody Allen, Diane Keaton, Tony Roberts)
12. The Producers - (1968) (Zero Mostel, Gene Wilder, Dick Shawn)
13. The Gold Rush - (1925) (Charles Chaplin, Mack Swain, Tom Murray)
14. Tootsie - (1982) (Dustin Hoffman, Jessica lange, Bill Murray)
15. Young Frankenstein - (1974) (Gene Wilder, Marty Feldman, Peter Boyle)
16. Bringing Up Baby - (1938) (Cary Grant, Katharine Hepburn)
17. Arthur - (1981) (Dudley Moore, Liza Minnelli)
18. Bananas - (1971) (Woody Allen, Carlos Montalban)
19. Take The Money And Run - (1969) (Woody Allen, Janet Margolin)
20. Modern Times - (1933) (Charles Chaplin, Paulette Goddard, Henry Bergman)
21. A Shot In The Dark - (1964) (Peter Sellers, Elke Sommer)
22. No Time For Sergeants - (1958) (Andy Griffith, Mervyn LeRoy)
23. Adam's Rib - (1949) (Spencer Tracy, Katharine Hepburn)
24. It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World - (1963) (Milton Berle, Jonathan Winters)
25. M*A*S*H - (1970) (Elliott Gould, Donald Sutherland, Sally Kellerman)
26. Lost In America - (1985) (Albert Brooks, Julie Hagerty, Sylvia Farrel)
27. National Lampoon's Vacation - (1983) (Chevy Chase, Beverly D'Angelo)
28. The Pink Panther - (1964) (Peter Sellers, David Niven, Robert Wagner)
29. A Day At The Races - (1937) (Marx Brothers)
30. Caddyshack - (1980) (Bill Murray, Rodney Dangerfield, Ted Knight)
31. The Court Jester - (1956) (Danny Kaye, Basil Rathbone, Angela Lansbury)
32. Sullivan's Travels - (1941) (Joel McCrea, Veronica Lake)
33. Road To Morocco - (1942) (Bob Hope, Bing Crosby, Dorothy Lamour)
34. This Is Spinal Tap - (1984) (Michael McKean, Christopher Guest, Harry Shearer)
35. Ghost Busters - (1984) (Bill Murray, Dan Aykroyd, Sigourney Weaver)
36. Groundhog Day - (1993) (Bill Murray, Andie MacDowell, Chris Elliott)
37. The Birdcage - (1996) (Robin Williams, Nathan Lane)
38. Borat - (2006) (Sacha Baron Cohen, Ken Davitian)
39. Ferris Bueller's Day Off - (1986) (Matthew Broderick, Alan Ruck, Mia Sara)
40. His Girl Friday - (1940) (Cary Grant, Rosalind Russell)
41. The Naked Gun - (1988) (Leslie Nielsen, Priscilla Presley)
42. Sleeper - (1973) (Woody Allen, Diane Keaton)
43. Spaceballs - (1987) (Rick Moranis, Bill Pullman, John Candy)
44. Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery - (1997) (Mike Myers, Elizabeth Hurley)
45. Ace Ventura: Pet Detective - (1994) (Jim Carrey, Sean Young)
46. Born Yesterday - (1950) (Judy Holliday, Broderick Crawford, William Holden)
47. History of the World: Part 1 - (1981) (Mel Brooks, Madeline Kahn, Gregory Hines)
48. The Great Dictator - (1940) (Charles Chaplin, Paulette Goddard, Jack Oakie)
49. The Front Page - (1974) (Jack Lemmon, Walter Matthau)
50. Top Secret - (1984) (Val Kilmer, Lucy Gutteridge, Omar Sharif)
51. Home Alone - (1990) (Macaulay Culkin, Joe Pesci, Daniel Stern)
52. Meet the Parents - (2000) (Robert De Niro, Ben Stiller)
53. To Be or Not to Be - (1942) (Carole Lombard, Jack Benny, Robert Stack)
54. The Inspector General - (1949) (Danny Kaye, Alan Hale, Walter Slezak)
55. The Jerk - (1979) (Steve Martin, Bernadette Peters)
56. The Big Lebowski - (1998) (Jeff Bridges, John Goodman)
57. Fast Times At Ridgemont High - (1982) (Sean Penn, Jennifer Jason Leigh)
58. The Mouse That Roared - (1959) (Peter Sellers, Jean Seberg)
59. There's Something About Mary - (1998) (Cameron Diaz, Ben Stiller, Matt Dillon)
60. City Slickers - (1991) (Billy Crystal, Daniel Stern)
61. The Nutty Professor - (1963) (Jerry Lewis, Stella Stevens)
62. My Cousin Vinny - (1992) (Joe Pesci, Marisa Tomei, Fred Gwynne)
63. Little Miss Sunshine - (2006) (Greg Kinnear, Alan Arkin, Steve Carell)
64. Silver Streak - (1976) (Gene Wilder, Richard Pryor, Jill Clayburgh)
65. Mrs. Doubtfire - (1993) (Robin Williams, Sally Field, Pierce Brosnan)
66. Scary Movie - (2000) (Keenen Ivory Wayans, Anna Faris, Shawn Wayans)
67. Bill And Ted's Excellent Adventure -(1989) (Keanu Reeves, Alex Winter)
68. Stir Crazy - (1981) (Richard Pryor, Gene Wilder)
69. Arsenic and Old Lace - (1944) (Cary Grant, Josephine Hull, Peter Lorre)
70. Beverly Hills Cop - (1984) (Eddie Murphy, Judge Reinhold)
71. Private Benjamin - (1980) (Goldie Hawn, Eileen Brennan)
72. Harvey - (1950) (James Stewart, Josephine Hull)
73. Way Out West - (1937) (Stan Laurel, Oliver Hardy)
74. National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation - (1989) (Chevy Chase, Randy Quaid)
75. Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Sex... - (1972) (Woody Allen)
76. Monty Python's Life Of Brian - (1979) (John Cleese, Eric Idle)
77. Meatballs - (1979) (Bill Murray, Harvey Atkin, Kate Lynch)
78. Good Neighbor Sam - (1964) (Jack Lemmon, Romy Schneider, Dorothy Provine)
79. Cat Ballou - (1965) (Jane Fonda, Lee Marvin, Dwayne Hickman)
80. Rush Hour - (1998) (Jackie Chan, Chris Tucker)
81. Up In Smoke - (1978) (Cheech & Chong)
82. A Fish Called Wanda - (1988) (John Cleese, Kevin Kline, Jamie Lee Curtis)
83. The 40 Year Old Virgin - (2005) (Steve Carell, Catherine Keener)
84. The Bank Dick - (1940) (W.C. Fields, Shemp Howard)
85. Ruthless People - (1986) (Bette Midler, Danny DeVito)
86. The Money Pit - (1986) (Tom Hanks, Shelley Long)
87. Babes in Toyland - (1934) (Stan Laurel, Oliver Hardy)
88. Tommy Boy - (1995) (Chris Farley, David Spade)
89. Dumb and Dumber - (1994) (Jim Carrey, Jeff Daniels)
90. Multiplicity - (1996) (Michael Keaton, Andie MacDowell, Eugene Levy)
91. Monty Python's Meaning Of Life - (1983) (John Cleese, Eric Idle)
92. The Egg and I - (1947) (Claudette Colbert, Fred MacMurray, Percy Kilbride)
93. Hot Shots - (1991) (Charlie Sheen, Cary Elwes, Lloyd Bridges)
94. The Family Jewels - (1965) (Jerry Lewis, Sebastian Cabot)
95. Robin Hood: Men In Tights - (1993) (Cary Elwes, Dave Chapelle, Richard Lewis)
96. Dirty Rotten Scoundrels - (1988) (Steve Martin, Michael Caine)
97. Wayne's World - (1992) (Mike Myers, Dana Carvey, Rob Lowe)
98. Three Amigos! - (1986) (Chevy Chase, Steve Martin, Martin Short)
99. Sister Act - (1992) (Whoopi Goldberg, Kathy Najimy)
100. Operation Petticoat - (1959) (Cary Grant, Tony Curtis, Gavin MacLeod)
Monday, July 14, 2008
Axioms
Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film.
He who laughs last, thinks slowest.
A day without sunshine is like, well, night.
On the other hand, you have different fingers.
Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
Back up my hard drive? How do I put it in reverse?
I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
When the chips are down, the buffalo is empty.
Seen it all, done it all, can't remember most of it.
Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.
I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe.
He's not dead, he's electroencephalographically challenged.
She's always late. Her ancestors arrived on the Juneflower.
You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted, then used against you.
I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be without sponges.
Honk if you love peace and quiet.
Pardon my driving, I am reloading.
Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how it remains so popular?
Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.
It is hard to understand how a cemetery raised its burial costs and blamed it on the high cost of living.
Just remember ... if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off.
The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.
It is said that if you line up all the cars in the world end to end, someone would be stupid enough to try and pass them.
You can't have everything, where would you put it?
Latest survey shows that 3 out of 4 people make up 75% of the world's population.
If the shoe fits, get another one just like it.
The things that come to those that wait may be the things left by those who got there first.
Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will sit in a boat all day drinking beer.
Flashlight: A case for holding dead batteries.
Shin: A device for finding furniture.
As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools.
A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.
It was recently discovered that research causes cancer in rats.
Everybody lies, but it doesn't matter since nobody listens.
I wished the buck stopped here, because I could sure use a few.
I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.
He who laughs last, thinks slowest.
A day without sunshine is like, well, night.
On the other hand, you have different fingers.
Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
Back up my hard drive? How do I put it in reverse?
I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
When the chips are down, the buffalo is empty.
Seen it all, done it all, can't remember most of it.
Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.
I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe.
He's not dead, he's electroencephalographically challenged.
She's always late. Her ancestors arrived on the Juneflower.
You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted, then used against you.
I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be without sponges.
Honk if you love peace and quiet.
Pardon my driving, I am reloading.
Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how it remains so popular?
Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.
It is hard to understand how a cemetery raised its burial costs and blamed it on the high cost of living.
Just remember ... if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off.
The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.
It is said that if you line up all the cars in the world end to end, someone would be stupid enough to try and pass them.
You can't have everything, where would you put it?
Latest survey shows that 3 out of 4 people make up 75% of the world's population.
If the shoe fits, get another one just like it.
The things that come to those that wait may be the things left by those who got there first.
Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will sit in a boat all day drinking beer.
Flashlight: A case for holding dead batteries.
Shin: A device for finding furniture.
As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools.
A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.
It was recently discovered that research causes cancer in rats.
Everybody lies, but it doesn't matter since nobody listens.
I wished the buck stopped here, because I could sure use a few.
I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.
Monday, July 7, 2008
Irish Prostitute
Irish Prostitute
An Irish daughter had not been home for over 5 years. Upon her
return, her Father cussed her.
"Where have ye been all this time? Why did ye not write to us, not even a line? Why didn't ye call? Can ye not understand what ye put yer old Mother thru?"
The girl, crying, replied, "Sniff, sniff....Dad....I became a prostitute..."
"Ye what!!? Out of here, ye shameless harlot! Sinner! You're a disgrace to this Catholic family."
"OK, Dad-- as ye wish. I just came back to give mum this luxurious fur coat, title deed to a ten bedroom mansion plus a $5 million savings certificate. For me little brother, this gold Rolex. And for ye Daddy, the sparkling new Mercedes limited edition convertible that's parked outside plus a membership to the country club........................ (takes a breath)............. and an invitation for ye all to spend New Years Eve on board my new yacht in the Riviera and... ..."
"Now what was it ye said ye had become?" says Dad.
Girl, crying again, "Sniff, sniff....a prostitute Daddy! Sniff, sniff."
"Oh! Be Jesus! Ye scared me half to death, girl! I thought ye said a Protestant. Come here and give yer old Dad a hug."
An Irish daughter had not been home for over 5 years. Upon her
return, her Father cussed her.
"Where have ye been all this time? Why did ye not write to us, not even a line? Why didn't ye call? Can ye not understand what ye put yer old Mother thru?"
The girl, crying, replied, "Sniff, sniff....Dad....I became a prostitute..."
"Ye what!!? Out of here, ye shameless harlot! Sinner! You're a disgrace to this Catholic family."
"OK, Dad-- as ye wish. I just came back to give mum this luxurious fur coat, title deed to a ten bedroom mansion plus a $5 million savings certificate. For me little brother, this gold Rolex. And for ye Daddy, the sparkling new Mercedes limited edition convertible that's parked outside plus a membership to the country club........................ (takes a breath)............. and an invitation for ye all to spend New Years Eve on board my new yacht in the Riviera and... ..."
"Now what was it ye said ye had become?" says Dad.
Girl, crying again, "Sniff, sniff....a prostitute Daddy! Sniff, sniff."
"Oh! Be Jesus! Ye scared me half to death, girl! I thought ye said a Protestant. Come here and give yer old Dad a hug."
Wednesday, July 2, 2008
Psychologists Joke
A man walks into a psychiatrist's office wearing only underwear made of Saran Wrap.
The psychiatrist says, "Well...I can clearly see your nuts."
The psychiatrist says, "Well...I can clearly see your nuts."
Tuesday, July 1, 2008
Chinese Proverb Quotes
Do not use a hatchet to remove a fly from your friend's forehead.
Teachers open the door but you must walk through it yourself.
Teachers open the door but you must walk through it yourself.
Thursday, June 26, 2008
Quotes by Abraham Lincoln
“I desire so to conduct the affairs of this administration that if at the end…I have lost every other friend on earth, I shall at least have one friend left, and that friend shall be down inside of me.”
Abraham Lincoln
“Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt.”
Abraham Lincoln
Abraham Lincoln
“Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt.”
Abraham Lincoln
Wednesday, June 25, 2008
Friday, June 20, 2008
Well, what do you know?
A recent study conducted by Harvard University found that the average American walks about 900 miles a year.
Another study by the American Medical Association found that Americans drink, on average, 22 gallons of alcohol a year.
This means Americans get about 41 miles to the gallon.
Another study by the American Medical Association found that Americans drink, on average, 22 gallons of alcohol a year.
This means Americans get about 41 miles to the gallon.
Monday, June 9, 2008
Cool Story
This article, written by Brian McMahon, appears in the November- December issue of mental_floss. Pick up a copy wherever brilliant (or lots of) magazines are sold. To subscribe, click here.
Picture 12.pngDuring World War II, the British secret service hatched a master plan to smuggle escape gear to captured Allied soldiers inside Germany. Their secret weapon? Monopoly boxes. The original notion was simple enough: Find a way to sneak useful items into prison camps in an unassuming form. But the idea to use Monopoly came from a series of happy coincidences, all of which started with maps.
Smooth As Silk
Maps are harder to smuggle than you might think. They fall apart when wet, and they make a lot of noise when unfolded. Allied officials feared paper maps might draw the attention of German troops, so they turned to an unlikely source for help—silk. Not only would silk maps hold up in all kinds of weather, but they’d also come with the life-saving benefit of being whisper quiet.
To produce these silent maps, the Brits turned to John Waddington Ltd., a company that had recently perfected the process of printing on silk and was already manufacturing silk escape maps for British airmen to carry. What else was Waddington known for? You guessed it—being the licensed manufacturer of Monopoly outside the United States.
Suddenly, the popular board game seemed like the perfect way to get supplies inside German-run POW camps. At the time, the Nazis were hard-pressed to get provisions to their own troops, much less to the Allied soldiers they’d captured. Wishing to hide this less-than-stellar upholding of the Geneva Convention, they happily welcomed Red Cross aid packages for POWs. So throwing Monopoly games into the care kits along with food and clothing was met with little scrutiny. Monopoly was already a well-known game throughout Europe, and the German guards saw it as the perfect way for their detainees to remain occupied for hours.
Picture 12.pngDuring World War II, the British secret service hatched a master plan to smuggle escape gear to captured Allied soldiers inside Germany. Their secret weapon? Monopoly boxes. The original notion was simple enough: Find a way to sneak useful items into prison camps in an unassuming form. But the idea to use Monopoly came from a series of happy coincidences, all of which started with maps.
Smooth As Silk
Maps are harder to smuggle than you might think. They fall apart when wet, and they make a lot of noise when unfolded. Allied officials feared paper maps might draw the attention of German troops, so they turned to an unlikely source for help—silk. Not only would silk maps hold up in all kinds of weather, but they’d also come with the life-saving benefit of being whisper quiet.
To produce these silent maps, the Brits turned to John Waddington Ltd., a company that had recently perfected the process of printing on silk and was already manufacturing silk escape maps for British airmen to carry. What else was Waddington known for? You guessed it—being the licensed manufacturer of Monopoly outside the United States.
Suddenly, the popular board game seemed like the perfect way to get supplies inside German-run POW camps. At the time, the Nazis were hard-pressed to get provisions to their own troops, much less to the Allied soldiers they’d captured. Wishing to hide this less-than-stellar upholding of the Geneva Convention, they happily welcomed Red Cross aid packages for POWs. So throwing Monopoly games into the care kits along with food and clothing was met with little scrutiny. Monopoly was already a well-known game throughout Europe, and the German guards saw it as the perfect way for their detainees to remain occupied for hours.
It's a Joke!
I bought a new truck this year and had to return to the dealership the next day because I couldn't get the radio to work. The salesman explained that the radio was voice activated. "Nelson," the salesman said to the radio. The radio replied,"Ricky or Willie?" "Willie!" he continued and "On The Road Again" started playing from the speakers. Then he said, "Ray Charles!", and in an instant " Georgia On My Mind" replaced Willie Nelson.
I drove away happy, and for the next few days, every time I'd say, "Beethoven," I'd get beautiful classical music, and if I said, "Beatles," I'd get one of their awesome songs from the '60s.
Yesterday, some jerk ran a red light and almost smashed into my new Tundra, but I swerved in time to avoid him. I yelled, "You idiot!"
Immediately the French National Anthem began to play, sung by Jane Fonda, Barbara Streisand, and The Dixie Chicks, with John Kerry, backed up by Michael Moore on guitar, Al Gore on drums, Dan Rather on harmonica, Nancy Pelosi on tambourine, Walter Cronkite on spoons, Bill Clinton on sax and Ted Kennedy on Scotch.
I drove away happy, and for the next few days, every time I'd say, "Beethoven," I'd get beautiful classical music, and if I said, "Beatles," I'd get one of their awesome songs from the '60s.
Yesterday, some jerk ran a red light and almost smashed into my new Tundra, but I swerved in time to avoid him. I yelled, "You idiot!"
Immediately the French National Anthem began to play, sung by Jane Fonda, Barbara Streisand, and The Dixie Chicks, with John Kerry, backed up by Michael Moore on guitar, Al Gore on drums, Dan Rather on harmonica, Nancy Pelosi on tambourine, Walter Cronkite on spoons, Bill Clinton on sax and Ted Kennedy on Scotch.
Wednesday, June 4, 2008
True That
"Insanity: Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results."
— Albert Einstein
— Albert Einstein
Quote to make you think!
If a nation expects to be ignorant and free, in a state of civilization, it expects what never was and never will be.
Thomas Jefferson
Thomas Jefferson
Thursday, May 29, 2008
Wednesday, May 28, 2008
Quotes
When I die, I want to die like my grandfather–who died peacefully in his sleep. Not screaming like all the passengers in his car.”
–Author Unknown
–Author Unknown
Thursday, May 22, 2008
Great Joke Village of the Trids
Village of the trids
I don't know where this originally came from - I heard it first, like so many others, from my father.
Every autumn, a giant comes down out of the mountains, to a hill near a village of trids. The trids, anticipating his coming, gather atop the hill, where the giant, laughing uproarously, cheerfully kicks the trids off the hill. They roll gleefully to the bottom, shouting and laughing, only to run back up for another ride. The whole occassion is something of a tradition.
One day, a passing rabbi hears of this ritual and, curious, decideds to wait a few days and witness it himself.
The day comes, and the trids frolicking wakes the rabbi. Irritably, he gets up, dresses, and heads out to the nearby hill. He watches the spectacle for a while, and then, unable to resist, he begins up the hill, dodging the occassional rolling trid.
He reaches the top and heads over to mill around with a small group of trid who seem to be wating for their turn to be kicked off. The giat comes over, and is about to kick the whole bunch of them off, but then stops, peering down at them. The trids also seem to be a little confused, and end up staring at the Rabbi.
"What are you doing?" asks the giant. The rabbi, seeing that he is the one the giant is talking too, cranes his neck and looks up.
"Well, I've heard about this, and I've watched it, and I still don't understand it. I am really curious, and I want a good kick, just like the rest," he answers, looking at the trids.
The trids just laugh and, together with the giant, say--
"Silly rabbi! Kicks are for trids!"
I don't know where this originally came from - I heard it first, like so many others, from my father.
Every autumn, a giant comes down out of the mountains, to a hill near a village of trids. The trids, anticipating his coming, gather atop the hill, where the giant, laughing uproarously, cheerfully kicks the trids off the hill. They roll gleefully to the bottom, shouting and laughing, only to run back up for another ride. The whole occassion is something of a tradition.
One day, a passing rabbi hears of this ritual and, curious, decideds to wait a few days and witness it himself.
The day comes, and the trids frolicking wakes the rabbi. Irritably, he gets up, dresses, and heads out to the nearby hill. He watches the spectacle for a while, and then, unable to resist, he begins up the hill, dodging the occassional rolling trid.
He reaches the top and heads over to mill around with a small group of trid who seem to be wating for their turn to be kicked off. The giat comes over, and is about to kick the whole bunch of them off, but then stops, peering down at them. The trids also seem to be a little confused, and end up staring at the Rabbi.
"What are you doing?" asks the giant. The rabbi, seeing that he is the one the giant is talking too, cranes his neck and looks up.
"Well, I've heard about this, and I've watched it, and I still don't understand it. I am really curious, and I want a good kick, just like the rest," he answers, looking at the trids.
The trids just laugh and, together with the giant, say--
"Silly rabbi! Kicks are for trids!"
Sunday, May 18, 2008
The Best Quote Ever
The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has its limits.
Albert Einstein
Albert Einstein
Saturday, May 17, 2008
Geography Facts
Here are 20 world geography facts that you might find surprising or interesting:
1. Portland, Oregon, where it rarely snows, is about 130 miles farther north than Toronto, and over 200 miles farther north than Boston.
2. On France’s southern Mediterranean coast, Cannes, the sunny summer playground of the rich, which is sometimes incorrectly called ‘tropical’, is about 10 miles farther north than Milwaukee, Wisconsin.
3.
Sydney, Australia
Sydney, Australia
Buenos Aires, Los Angeles, Cape Town, and Sydney are each thousands of miles apart and are known for having unusually pleasant year-round climates, and they are all almost identical distances from the Equator.
4. San Francisco and Melbourne, Australia are both known for mild and fast-changing climates, and they are identical distances from the Equator.
5. Estcourt Station with a population of 4 is in the northernmost tip of Maine, and it sounds like it’s probably snowed-in all winter, and yet London, England is still almost 300 miles farther north.
6. The 49th Parallel, which makes up the long and straight US/Canada border in the west, is about 120 miles north of Estcourt Station, Maine.
7.
Reykjavik, Iceland
Reykjavik, Iceland
Glasgow is about 280 miles north of London. Keep going another 250 miles north for Stockholm, another 370 miles north to reach Reykjavik, and 413 miles north to reach Hammerfest, Norway, which is almost 5,000 miles north of the Equator.
8. The entire country of England, with over 50 million residents, is a wee bit smaller than the state of Louisiana.
9. If you combine England, Wales, Scotland, and Northern Ireland, then together they are a bit smaller than the deceivingly large state of Michigan.
10. France is about 30% larger than the state of California.
11. Crescent City, California is about 15 miles south of the Oregon border, but it’s about 10 miles farther north than Newport, Rhode Island. In other words, you can still be in California and be farther north than coastal Rhode Island.
12.
Madrid, Spain
Madrid, Spain
Madrid, with summers so blazing hot that most people take a long break from work every afternoon, is about 10 miles farther north than Salt Lake City, Utah.
13. About two-thirds of Africa is in the Northern Hemisphere.
14. Rome, which is located in the center of Italy, is located at the exact same latitude as Chicago.
15. Tehran, Iran, with its scorching summers, is located on the exact same latitude as relatively mild Tokyo, Japan.
16. About 90% of the world’s population lives in the Northern Hemisphere.
17.
Tahiti, French Polynesia
Tahiti, French Polynesia
The incredibly remote island of Tahiti is slightly east of Anchorage, Alaska, which is slightly east of Hawaii. In other words, Hawaii is closer to the 180° longitude the International Date Line is based on than is Tahiti.
18. If you are trying to get a handle on the climate of India it helps to know its northern border is the same as the northern border of Mexico in Tijuana, and the southern border is about the same as the southern border of Panama.
19. Sunny and just-barely-tropical Rio de Janeiro is about 25 miles farther from the equator than Hong Kong.
20. Scientists recently discovered that Florida and Hudson Bay in Canada are getting about 1 inch closer every 36 years. Pass the SPF-30, eh?
1. Portland, Oregon, where it rarely snows, is about 130 miles farther north than Toronto, and over 200 miles farther north than Boston.
2. On France’s southern Mediterranean coast, Cannes, the sunny summer playground of the rich, which is sometimes incorrectly called ‘tropical’, is about 10 miles farther north than Milwaukee, Wisconsin.
3.
Sydney, Australia
Sydney, Australia
Buenos Aires, Los Angeles, Cape Town, and Sydney are each thousands of miles apart and are known for having unusually pleasant year-round climates, and they are all almost identical distances from the Equator.
4. San Francisco and Melbourne, Australia are both known for mild and fast-changing climates, and they are identical distances from the Equator.
5. Estcourt Station with a population of 4 is in the northernmost tip of Maine, and it sounds like it’s probably snowed-in all winter, and yet London, England is still almost 300 miles farther north.
6. The 49th Parallel, which makes up the long and straight US/Canada border in the west, is about 120 miles north of Estcourt Station, Maine.
7.
Reykjavik, Iceland
Reykjavik, Iceland
Glasgow is about 280 miles north of London. Keep going another 250 miles north for Stockholm, another 370 miles north to reach Reykjavik, and 413 miles north to reach Hammerfest, Norway, which is almost 5,000 miles north of the Equator.
8. The entire country of England, with over 50 million residents, is a wee bit smaller than the state of Louisiana.
9. If you combine England, Wales, Scotland, and Northern Ireland, then together they are a bit smaller than the deceivingly large state of Michigan.
10. France is about 30% larger than the state of California.
11. Crescent City, California is about 15 miles south of the Oregon border, but it’s about 10 miles farther north than Newport, Rhode Island. In other words, you can still be in California and be farther north than coastal Rhode Island.
12.
Madrid, Spain
Madrid, Spain
Madrid, with summers so blazing hot that most people take a long break from work every afternoon, is about 10 miles farther north than Salt Lake City, Utah.
13. About two-thirds of Africa is in the Northern Hemisphere.
14. Rome, which is located in the center of Italy, is located at the exact same latitude as Chicago.
15. Tehran, Iran, with its scorching summers, is located on the exact same latitude as relatively mild Tokyo, Japan.
16. About 90% of the world’s population lives in the Northern Hemisphere.
17.
Tahiti, French Polynesia
Tahiti, French Polynesia
The incredibly remote island of Tahiti is slightly east of Anchorage, Alaska, which is slightly east of Hawaii. In other words, Hawaii is closer to the 180° longitude the International Date Line is based on than is Tahiti.
18. If you are trying to get a handle on the climate of India it helps to know its northern border is the same as the northern border of Mexico in Tijuana, and the southern border is about the same as the southern border of Panama.
19. Sunny and just-barely-tropical Rio de Janeiro is about 25 miles farther from the equator than Hong Kong.
20. Scientists recently discovered that Florida and Hudson Bay in Canada are getting about 1 inch closer every 36 years. Pass the SPF-30, eh?
Friday, May 16, 2008
Obituary - Common Sense
Obituary
Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape.
He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as knowing when to come in out of the rain, why the early bird gets the worm, life isn't always fair, and maybe it was my fault.
Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend more than you earn) and reliable parenting strategies (adults, not children, are in charge).
His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place. Reports of a six-year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch; and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition.
Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job they themselves failed to do in disciplining their unruly children. It declined even further when schools were required to get parental consent to administer Panadol, sun lotion or a Band-Aid to a student but could not inform the parents when a student became pregnant or wanted to have an abortion.
Common Sense lost the will to live as the Ten Commandments became contraband, churches became businesses, and criminals received better treatment than their victims.
Common Sense took a beating when you couldn't defend yourself from a burglar in your own home and the burglar could sue you for assault.
Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents, Truth and Trust; his wife, Discretion; his daughter, Responsibility; and his son, Reason. He is survived by three stepbrothers; I Know My Rights, Someone Else is to Blame, and I'm A Victim.
Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone.
If you still remember him, pass this on. If not, join the majority and do nothing.
Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape.
He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as knowing when to come in out of the rain, why the early bird gets the worm, life isn't always fair, and maybe it was my fault.
Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend more than you earn) and reliable parenting strategies (adults, not children, are in charge).
His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place. Reports of a six-year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch; and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition.
Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job they themselves failed to do in disciplining their unruly children. It declined even further when schools were required to get parental consent to administer Panadol, sun lotion or a Band-Aid to a student but could not inform the parents when a student became pregnant or wanted to have an abortion.
Common Sense lost the will to live as the Ten Commandments became contraband, churches became businesses, and criminals received better treatment than their victims.
Common Sense took a beating when you couldn't defend yourself from a burglar in your own home and the burglar could sue you for assault.
Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents, Truth and Trust; his wife, Discretion; his daughter, Responsibility; and his son, Reason. He is survived by three stepbrothers; I Know My Rights, Someone Else is to Blame, and I'm A Victim.
Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone.
If you still remember him, pass this on. If not, join the majority and do nothing.
Thursday, May 15, 2008
Wednesday, May 14, 2008
Great Rock Songs
1. Stairway to Heaven - Led Zeppelin
2. Johnny B. Goode - Chuck Berry
3. Like A Rolling Stone - Bob Dylan
4. Respect - Aretha Franklin
5. (I Can't Get No) Satisfaction - Rolling Stones
6. Jailhouse Rock - Elvis Presley
7. A Day In The Life - Beatles
8. Bohemian Rhapsody - Queen
9. Good Vibrations - Beach Boys
10. What'd I Say - Ray Charles
11. Papa's Got A Brand New Bag - James Brown
12. Won't Get Fooled Again - Who
13. All Along The Watchtower - Jimi Hendrix
14. (Sittin' On) The Dock Of The Bay - Otis Redding
15. Imagine - John Lennon
16. Born To Run - Bruce Springsteen
17. Layla - Derek & the Dominos
18. Light My Fire - Doors
19. I Heard It Through The Grapevine - Marvin Gaye
20. Free Bird - Lynyrd Skynyrd
21. Whole Lotta Shakin' Goin' On - Jerry Lee Lewis
22. When A Man Loves A Woman - Percy Sledge
23. Hey Jude - Beatles
24. Hotel California - Eagles
25. Rock Around The Clock - Bill Haley & His Comets
26. You Really Got Me - Kinks
27. American Pie - Don McLean
28. Tutti Frutti - Little Richard
29. Baba O'Riley - The Who
30. Sympathy For The Devil - Rolling Stones
31. Superstition - Stevie Wonder
32. Louie Louie - The Kingsmen
33. Smells Like Teen Spirit - Nirvana
34. Bo Diddley - Bo Diddley
35. Yesterday - The Beatles
36. My Generation - The Who
37. Smoke On The Water - Deep Purple
38. Don't Be Cruel - Elvis Presley
39. Whole Lotta Love - Led Zeppelin
40. Shake, Rattle & Roll - Big Joe Turner
41. Purple Haze - Jimi Hendrix
42. Summertime Blues - Eddie Cochran
43. In The Midnight Hour - Wilson Pickett
44. Time - Pink Floyd
45. Oh Pretty Woman - Roy Orbison
46. Sunshine Of Your Love - Cream
47. Walk This Way - Aerosmith
48. Sweet Child O' Mine - Guns N' Roses
49. A Whiter Shade Of Pale - Procol Harum
50. What's Goin' On - Marvin Gaye
51. Tears in Heaven - Eric Clapton
52. Comfortably Numb - Pink Floyd
53. Bridge Over Troubled Water - Simon & Garfunkel
54. You Shook Me All Night Long - AC/DC
55. Good Golly, Miss Molly - Little Richard
56. Everyday People - Sly & The Family Stone
57. Roundabout - Yes
58. Bye Bye Love - The Everly Brothers
59. Born To Be Wild - Steppenwolf
60. Sixty Minute Man - The Dominoes
61. Voodoo Child (slight return) - Jimi Hendrix
62. November Rain - Guns N' Roses
63. One Nation Under A Groove - Funkadelic
64. House Of The Rising Sun - Animals
65. Mr. Tambourine Man - Byrds
66. Let's Go Crazy - Prince
67. Please, Please, Please - James Brown
68. Thunder Road - Bruce Springsteen
69. Somebody To Love - Jefferson Airplane
70. Dust In The Wind - Kansas
71. Slow Ride - Foghat
72. Crossroads - Cream
73. Blue Suede Shoes - Carl Perkins
74. With Or Without You - U2
75. More Than A Feeling - Boston
76. We Will Rock You - Queen
77. Go Your Own Way - Fleetwood Mac
78. 21st Century Schizoid Man - King Crimson
79. Mystery Train - Elvis Presley
80. Suite: Judy Blue Eyes - CSN
81. Show Me The Way - Peter Frampton
82. Where Did Our Love Go - Supremes
83. My My Hey Hey (Out Of The Blue) - Neil Young
84. Money - Pink Floyd
85. Ziggy Stardust - David Bowie
86. Master of Puppets - Metallica
87. Stand! - Sly & The Family Stone
88. Sultans Of Swing - Dire Straits
89. That'll Be The Day - Buddy Holly & The Crickets
90. Dream On - Aerosmith
91. Maybellene - Chuck Berry
92. Every Breath You Take - Police
93. Jesus Christ Pose - Soundgarden
94. For What It's Worth - Buffalo Springfield
95. All Day And All Of The Night - Kinks
96. Tom Sawyer - Rush
97. Tangled Up In Blue - Bob Dylan
98. Hound Dog - Elvis Presley
99. Kashmir - Led Zeppelin
100. All Right Now - Free
101. Be Bop A Lula - Gene Vincent
102. Money Honey - Clyde McPhatter & The Drifters
103. Jumpin' Jack Flash - The Rolling Stones
104. Lucky Man - Emerson, Lake & Palmer
105. Kick Out The Jams - MC5
106. Green Onions - Booker T. & The MG's
107. Back In Black - AC/DC
108. School Day - Chuck Berry
109. Runaway - Del Shannon
110. Good Rockin' Tonight - Wynonie Harris
111. London Calling - The Clash
112. Eight Miles High - Byrds
113. Aqualung - Jethro Tull
114. Heroin - Velvet Underground
115. Goodbye Yellow Brick Road - Elton John
116. The Joker - Steve Miller Band
117. Barracuda - Heart
118. I Get Around - Beach Boys
119. Child In Time - Deep Purple
120. White Rabbit - Jefferson Airplane
121. Free Ride - Edgar Winter Group
122. Long Cool Woman In A Black Dress - Hollies
123. American Woman - Guess Who
124. Hallowed Be Thy Name - Iron Maiden
125. Wake Up Little Susie - The Everly Brothers
126. Gimme Shelter - Rolling Stones
127. I'm Walkin - Fats Domino
128. Nights In White Satin - Moody Blues
129. She Loves You - Beatles
130. Walk On The Wild Side - Lou Reed
131. Heat Wave - Martha & The Vandellas
132. Rock & Roll All Night - KISS
133. It's Your Thing - Isley Brothers
134. Reach Out, I'll Be There - Four Tops
135. White Room - Cream
136. Paranoid - Black Sabbath
137. Money For Nothing - Dire Straits
138. Jeremy - Pearl Jam
139. Blitzkreig Bop - Ramones
140. Lola - Kinks
141. Hold On, I'm Comin' - Sam & Dave
142. The Weight - The Band
143. Old Time Rock & Roll - Bob Seger
144. Purple Rain - Prince
145. Refugee - Tom Petty & The Heartbreakers
146. Whipping Post - Allman Brothers
147. Welcome To The Jungle - Guns N' Roses
148. Magic Carpet Ride - Steppenwolf
149. No Woman No Cry - Bob Marley
150. Don't Fear The Reaper - Blue Oyster Cult
151. Paranoid Android - Radiohead
152. Psychotic Reaction - Count Five
153. Chain Gang - Sam Cooke
154. Bang A Gong, Get It On - T-Rex
155. Teardrops From My Eyes - Ruth Brown
156. I Got You (I Feel Good) - James Brown
157. Peggy Sue - Buddy Holly & The Crickets
158. Sweet Home Alabama - Lynyrd Skynyrd
159. Like A Hurricane - Neil Young
160. Gimmie Some Lovin' - Spencer Davis Group
161. Lawdy Miss Clawdy - Lloyd Price
162. Great Balls of Fire - Jerry Lee Lewis
163. In A Gadda Da Vida - Iron Butterfly
164. Paradise By The Dashboard Light - Meat Loaf
165. California Dreamin' - Mamas & Papas
166. Jump - Van Halen
167. Work With Me Annie - The Midnighters
168. I've Seen All Good People - Yes
169. Piece Of My Heart - Janis Joplin
170. Cloud Nine - The Temptations
171. Time Of The Season - Zombies
172. Proud Mary - Creedence Clearwater Revival
173. Space Oddity - David Bowie
174. Heart Full Of Soul - Yardbirds
175. Should I Stay Or Should I Go - The Clash
176. Be My Baby - Ronettes
177. One - Metallica
178. Do You Believe In Magic - Lovin' Spoonful
179. Werewolves of London - Warren Zevon
180. We're An American Band - Grand Funk Railroad
181. Allison - Elvis Costello
182. Bad To The Bone - George Thorogood
183. Come Sail Away - Styx
184. Sharp Dressed Man - ZZ Top
185. Grace - Jeff Buckley
186. Stand By Me - Ben E. King
187. Sherry - Four Seasons
188. Fever - Little Willie John
189. Riders On the Storm - Doors
190. Free Fallin' - Tom Petty
191. Cold Sweat - James Brown
192. Lonely Teardrops - Jackie Wilson
193. Under The Bridge - Red Hot Chili Peppers
194. Sledgehammer - Peter Gabriel
195. The Wanderer - Dion
196. My Sweet Lord - George Harrison
197. Pride & Joy - Stevie Ray Vaughan
198. Let's Stay Together - Al Green
199. Rocky Mountain Way - Joe Walsh
200. Ain't Too Proud To Beg - The Temptations
201. Long Tall Sally - Little Richard
202. Paint It Black - Rolling Stones
203. Strawberry Fields Forever - Beatles
204. Billie Jean - Michael Jackson
205. You've Lost That Lovin' Feeling - The Righteous Brothers
206. Dance To The Music - Sly & The Family Stone
207. One - U2
208. My Girl - Temptations
209. Dazed And Confused - Led Zeppelin
210. Another Brick In The Wall Part II - Pink Floyd
211. Rocket 88 - Jackie Brenston
212. Carry On Wayward Son - Kansas
213. Brown Sugar - Rolling Stones
214. Blueberry Hill - Fats Domino
215. Soul Man - Sam & Dave
216. Twist And Shout - Beatles
217. I Wanna Be Sedated - Ramones
218. Wild Thing - The Troggs
219. Why Do Fools Fall In Love? - Frankie Lymon/Teenagers
220. Knock On Wood - Eddie Floyd
221. Hurricane - Bob Dylan
222. Rockin' in The Free World - Neil Young
223. 25 or 6 to 4 - Chicago
224. Cocaine - Eric Clapton
225. Brown Eyed Girl - Van Morrison
226. I Want To Hold Your Hand - Beatles
227. Born In The U.S.A. - Bruce Springsteen
228. I Can See For Miles - The Who
229. Truckin' - The Grateful Dead
230. Uptight - Stevie Wonder
231. People Get Ready - Impressions
232. I Got A Woman - Ray Charles
233. Rave On - Buddy Holly
234. Dreams - Fleetwood Mac
235. God Only Knows - The Beach Boys
236. Turn! Turn! Turn! - The Byrds
237. Iron Man - Black Sabbath
238. Surfin U.S.A. - Beach Boys
239. Think - Aretha Franklin
240. Sweet Little Sixteen - Chuck Berry
241. The Tracks Of My Tears - The Miracles
242. Locomotive Breath - Jethro Tull
243. Desperado - Eagles
244. Maggie May - Rod Stewart
245. I'd Love To Change The World - Ten Years After
246. Who Do You Love? - Bo Diddley
247. Bad Moon Rising - Creedence Clearwater Revival
248. Shine On You Crazy Diamond - Pink Floyd
249. Changes - David Bowie
250. Takin' Care Of Business - BTO
251. Higher & Higher - Jackie Wilson
252. Black Magic Woman - Santana
253. Mony Mony - Tommy James & the Shondells
254. Anthem - Rush
255. Rock'n Me - Steve Miller Band
256. China Grove - Doobie Brothers
257. Crying In The Chapel - The Orioles
258. Take It On The Run - REO Speedwagon
259. There Goes My Baby - The Drifters
260. He Ain't Heavy, He's My Brother - Hollies
261. Glad All Over - Dave Clark Five
262. Breakdown - Tom Petty & The Heartbreakers
263. Uncle John's Band - Grateful Dead
264. Hit The Road Jack - Ray Charles
265. Stop! In The Name Of Love - The Supremes
266. Pink Houses - John Mellencamp
267. Lucille - Little Richard
268. Tumbling Dice - The Rolling Stones
269. Roadhouse Blues - Doors
270. Rock 'n' Roll Hoochie Coo - Rick Derringer
271. Call Me - Blondie
272. School's Out - Alice Cooper
273. Aenema - Tool
274. Suspicious Minds - Elvis Presley
275. We Gotta Get Out Of This Place - Animals
276. What's Love Got To Do With It? - Tina Turner
277. Roxanne - Police
278. Earth Angel - The Penguins
279. Ain't It A Shame - Fats Domino
280. Low Rider - War
281. Rocket Man - Elton John
282. Love Hurts - Nazarath
283. You Got Another Thing Comin - Judas Priest
284. Doctor My Eyes - Jackson Browne
285. Monday, Monday - Mamas and Papas
286. I Saw The Light - Todd Rundgren
287. Pride (In The name Of Love) - U2
288. All The Young Dudes - Mott The Hoople
289. Rooster - Alice In Chains
290. Fields Of Gold - Sting
291. Rock You Like A Hurricane - Scorpions
292. I Love Rock 'n' Roll - Joan Jett & The Blackhearts
293. Surrender - Cheap Trick
294. Nothing Else Matters - Metallica
295. No Time - Guess Who
296. Woodstock - Crosby, Stills, Nash & Young
297. River Deep-Mountain High - Ike & Tina Turner
298. Bad Case Of Loving You - Robert Palmer
299. Love The One You're With - Stephen Stills
300. You Ain't Seen Nothin' Yet - BTO
2. Johnny B. Goode - Chuck Berry
3. Like A Rolling Stone - Bob Dylan
4. Respect - Aretha Franklin
5. (I Can't Get No) Satisfaction - Rolling Stones
6. Jailhouse Rock - Elvis Presley
7. A Day In The Life - Beatles
8. Bohemian Rhapsody - Queen
9. Good Vibrations - Beach Boys
10. What'd I Say - Ray Charles
11. Papa's Got A Brand New Bag - James Brown
12. Won't Get Fooled Again - Who
13. All Along The Watchtower - Jimi Hendrix
14. (Sittin' On) The Dock Of The Bay - Otis Redding
15. Imagine - John Lennon
16. Born To Run - Bruce Springsteen
17. Layla - Derek & the Dominos
18. Light My Fire - Doors
19. I Heard It Through The Grapevine - Marvin Gaye
20. Free Bird - Lynyrd Skynyrd
21. Whole Lotta Shakin' Goin' On - Jerry Lee Lewis
22. When A Man Loves A Woman - Percy Sledge
23. Hey Jude - Beatles
24. Hotel California - Eagles
25. Rock Around The Clock - Bill Haley & His Comets
26. You Really Got Me - Kinks
27. American Pie - Don McLean
28. Tutti Frutti - Little Richard
29. Baba O'Riley - The Who
30. Sympathy For The Devil - Rolling Stones
31. Superstition - Stevie Wonder
32. Louie Louie - The Kingsmen
33. Smells Like Teen Spirit - Nirvana
34. Bo Diddley - Bo Diddley
35. Yesterday - The Beatles
36. My Generation - The Who
37. Smoke On The Water - Deep Purple
38. Don't Be Cruel - Elvis Presley
39. Whole Lotta Love - Led Zeppelin
40. Shake, Rattle & Roll - Big Joe Turner
41. Purple Haze - Jimi Hendrix
42. Summertime Blues - Eddie Cochran
43. In The Midnight Hour - Wilson Pickett
44. Time - Pink Floyd
45. Oh Pretty Woman - Roy Orbison
46. Sunshine Of Your Love - Cream
47. Walk This Way - Aerosmith
48. Sweet Child O' Mine - Guns N' Roses
49. A Whiter Shade Of Pale - Procol Harum
50. What's Goin' On - Marvin Gaye
51. Tears in Heaven - Eric Clapton
52. Comfortably Numb - Pink Floyd
53. Bridge Over Troubled Water - Simon & Garfunkel
54. You Shook Me All Night Long - AC/DC
55. Good Golly, Miss Molly - Little Richard
56. Everyday People - Sly & The Family Stone
57. Roundabout - Yes
58. Bye Bye Love - The Everly Brothers
59. Born To Be Wild - Steppenwolf
60. Sixty Minute Man - The Dominoes
61. Voodoo Child (slight return) - Jimi Hendrix
62. November Rain - Guns N' Roses
63. One Nation Under A Groove - Funkadelic
64. House Of The Rising Sun - Animals
65. Mr. Tambourine Man - Byrds
66. Let's Go Crazy - Prince
67. Please, Please, Please - James Brown
68. Thunder Road - Bruce Springsteen
69. Somebody To Love - Jefferson Airplane
70. Dust In The Wind - Kansas
71. Slow Ride - Foghat
72. Crossroads - Cream
73. Blue Suede Shoes - Carl Perkins
74. With Or Without You - U2
75. More Than A Feeling - Boston
76. We Will Rock You - Queen
77. Go Your Own Way - Fleetwood Mac
78. 21st Century Schizoid Man - King Crimson
79. Mystery Train - Elvis Presley
80. Suite: Judy Blue Eyes - CSN
81. Show Me The Way - Peter Frampton
82. Where Did Our Love Go - Supremes
83. My My Hey Hey (Out Of The Blue) - Neil Young
84. Money - Pink Floyd
85. Ziggy Stardust - David Bowie
86. Master of Puppets - Metallica
87. Stand! - Sly & The Family Stone
88. Sultans Of Swing - Dire Straits
89. That'll Be The Day - Buddy Holly & The Crickets
90. Dream On - Aerosmith
91. Maybellene - Chuck Berry
92. Every Breath You Take - Police
93. Jesus Christ Pose - Soundgarden
94. For What It's Worth - Buffalo Springfield
95. All Day And All Of The Night - Kinks
96. Tom Sawyer - Rush
97. Tangled Up In Blue - Bob Dylan
98. Hound Dog - Elvis Presley
99. Kashmir - Led Zeppelin
100. All Right Now - Free
101. Be Bop A Lula - Gene Vincent
102. Money Honey - Clyde McPhatter & The Drifters
103. Jumpin' Jack Flash - The Rolling Stones
104. Lucky Man - Emerson, Lake & Palmer
105. Kick Out The Jams - MC5
106. Green Onions - Booker T. & The MG's
107. Back In Black - AC/DC
108. School Day - Chuck Berry
109. Runaway - Del Shannon
110. Good Rockin' Tonight - Wynonie Harris
111. London Calling - The Clash
112. Eight Miles High - Byrds
113. Aqualung - Jethro Tull
114. Heroin - Velvet Underground
115. Goodbye Yellow Brick Road - Elton John
116. The Joker - Steve Miller Band
117. Barracuda - Heart
118. I Get Around - Beach Boys
119. Child In Time - Deep Purple
120. White Rabbit - Jefferson Airplane
121. Free Ride - Edgar Winter Group
122. Long Cool Woman In A Black Dress - Hollies
123. American Woman - Guess Who
124. Hallowed Be Thy Name - Iron Maiden
125. Wake Up Little Susie - The Everly Brothers
126. Gimme Shelter - Rolling Stones
127. I'm Walkin - Fats Domino
128. Nights In White Satin - Moody Blues
129. She Loves You - Beatles
130. Walk On The Wild Side - Lou Reed
131. Heat Wave - Martha & The Vandellas
132. Rock & Roll All Night - KISS
133. It's Your Thing - Isley Brothers
134. Reach Out, I'll Be There - Four Tops
135. White Room - Cream
136. Paranoid - Black Sabbath
137. Money For Nothing - Dire Straits
138. Jeremy - Pearl Jam
139. Blitzkreig Bop - Ramones
140. Lola - Kinks
141. Hold On, I'm Comin' - Sam & Dave
142. The Weight - The Band
143. Old Time Rock & Roll - Bob Seger
144. Purple Rain - Prince
145. Refugee - Tom Petty & The Heartbreakers
146. Whipping Post - Allman Brothers
147. Welcome To The Jungle - Guns N' Roses
148. Magic Carpet Ride - Steppenwolf
149. No Woman No Cry - Bob Marley
150. Don't Fear The Reaper - Blue Oyster Cult
151. Paranoid Android - Radiohead
152. Psychotic Reaction - Count Five
153. Chain Gang - Sam Cooke
154. Bang A Gong, Get It On - T-Rex
155. Teardrops From My Eyes - Ruth Brown
156. I Got You (I Feel Good) - James Brown
157. Peggy Sue - Buddy Holly & The Crickets
158. Sweet Home Alabama - Lynyrd Skynyrd
159. Like A Hurricane - Neil Young
160. Gimmie Some Lovin' - Spencer Davis Group
161. Lawdy Miss Clawdy - Lloyd Price
162. Great Balls of Fire - Jerry Lee Lewis
163. In A Gadda Da Vida - Iron Butterfly
164. Paradise By The Dashboard Light - Meat Loaf
165. California Dreamin' - Mamas & Papas
166. Jump - Van Halen
167. Work With Me Annie - The Midnighters
168. I've Seen All Good People - Yes
169. Piece Of My Heart - Janis Joplin
170. Cloud Nine - The Temptations
171. Time Of The Season - Zombies
172. Proud Mary - Creedence Clearwater Revival
173. Space Oddity - David Bowie
174. Heart Full Of Soul - Yardbirds
175. Should I Stay Or Should I Go - The Clash
176. Be My Baby - Ronettes
177. One - Metallica
178. Do You Believe In Magic - Lovin' Spoonful
179. Werewolves of London - Warren Zevon
180. We're An American Band - Grand Funk Railroad
181. Allison - Elvis Costello
182. Bad To The Bone - George Thorogood
183. Come Sail Away - Styx
184. Sharp Dressed Man - ZZ Top
185. Grace - Jeff Buckley
186. Stand By Me - Ben E. King
187. Sherry - Four Seasons
188. Fever - Little Willie John
189. Riders On the Storm - Doors
190. Free Fallin' - Tom Petty
191. Cold Sweat - James Brown
192. Lonely Teardrops - Jackie Wilson
193. Under The Bridge - Red Hot Chili Peppers
194. Sledgehammer - Peter Gabriel
195. The Wanderer - Dion
196. My Sweet Lord - George Harrison
197. Pride & Joy - Stevie Ray Vaughan
198. Let's Stay Together - Al Green
199. Rocky Mountain Way - Joe Walsh
200. Ain't Too Proud To Beg - The Temptations
201. Long Tall Sally - Little Richard
202. Paint It Black - Rolling Stones
203. Strawberry Fields Forever - Beatles
204. Billie Jean - Michael Jackson
205. You've Lost That Lovin' Feeling - The Righteous Brothers
206. Dance To The Music - Sly & The Family Stone
207. One - U2
208. My Girl - Temptations
209. Dazed And Confused - Led Zeppelin
210. Another Brick In The Wall Part II - Pink Floyd
211. Rocket 88 - Jackie Brenston
212. Carry On Wayward Son - Kansas
213. Brown Sugar - Rolling Stones
214. Blueberry Hill - Fats Domino
215. Soul Man - Sam & Dave
216. Twist And Shout - Beatles
217. I Wanna Be Sedated - Ramones
218. Wild Thing - The Troggs
219. Why Do Fools Fall In Love? - Frankie Lymon/Teenagers
220. Knock On Wood - Eddie Floyd
221. Hurricane - Bob Dylan
222. Rockin' in The Free World - Neil Young
223. 25 or 6 to 4 - Chicago
224. Cocaine - Eric Clapton
225. Brown Eyed Girl - Van Morrison
226. I Want To Hold Your Hand - Beatles
227. Born In The U.S.A. - Bruce Springsteen
228. I Can See For Miles - The Who
229. Truckin' - The Grateful Dead
230. Uptight - Stevie Wonder
231. People Get Ready - Impressions
232. I Got A Woman - Ray Charles
233. Rave On - Buddy Holly
234. Dreams - Fleetwood Mac
235. God Only Knows - The Beach Boys
236. Turn! Turn! Turn! - The Byrds
237. Iron Man - Black Sabbath
238. Surfin U.S.A. - Beach Boys
239. Think - Aretha Franklin
240. Sweet Little Sixteen - Chuck Berry
241. The Tracks Of My Tears - The Miracles
242. Locomotive Breath - Jethro Tull
243. Desperado - Eagles
244. Maggie May - Rod Stewart
245. I'd Love To Change The World - Ten Years After
246. Who Do You Love? - Bo Diddley
247. Bad Moon Rising - Creedence Clearwater Revival
248. Shine On You Crazy Diamond - Pink Floyd
249. Changes - David Bowie
250. Takin' Care Of Business - BTO
251. Higher & Higher - Jackie Wilson
252. Black Magic Woman - Santana
253. Mony Mony - Tommy James & the Shondells
254. Anthem - Rush
255. Rock'n Me - Steve Miller Band
256. China Grove - Doobie Brothers
257. Crying In The Chapel - The Orioles
258. Take It On The Run - REO Speedwagon
259. There Goes My Baby - The Drifters
260. He Ain't Heavy, He's My Brother - Hollies
261. Glad All Over - Dave Clark Five
262. Breakdown - Tom Petty & The Heartbreakers
263. Uncle John's Band - Grateful Dead
264. Hit The Road Jack - Ray Charles
265. Stop! In The Name Of Love - The Supremes
266. Pink Houses - John Mellencamp
267. Lucille - Little Richard
268. Tumbling Dice - The Rolling Stones
269. Roadhouse Blues - Doors
270. Rock 'n' Roll Hoochie Coo - Rick Derringer
271. Call Me - Blondie
272. School's Out - Alice Cooper
273. Aenema - Tool
274. Suspicious Minds - Elvis Presley
275. We Gotta Get Out Of This Place - Animals
276. What's Love Got To Do With It? - Tina Turner
277. Roxanne - Police
278. Earth Angel - The Penguins
279. Ain't It A Shame - Fats Domino
280. Low Rider - War
281. Rocket Man - Elton John
282. Love Hurts - Nazarath
283. You Got Another Thing Comin - Judas Priest
284. Doctor My Eyes - Jackson Browne
285. Monday, Monday - Mamas and Papas
286. I Saw The Light - Todd Rundgren
287. Pride (In The name Of Love) - U2
288. All The Young Dudes - Mott The Hoople
289. Rooster - Alice In Chains
290. Fields Of Gold - Sting
291. Rock You Like A Hurricane - Scorpions
292. I Love Rock 'n' Roll - Joan Jett & The Blackhearts
293. Surrender - Cheap Trick
294. Nothing Else Matters - Metallica
295. No Time - Guess Who
296. Woodstock - Crosby, Stills, Nash & Young
297. River Deep-Mountain High - Ike & Tina Turner
298. Bad Case Of Loving You - Robert Palmer
299. Love The One You're With - Stephen Stills
300. You Ain't Seen Nothin' Yet - BTO
Tuesday, May 13, 2008
Not the end
The End of the Internet
Congratulations, you have reached the End of the Internet. To get back to the Other End of the Internet please click on the back button on your browser 3,307,998,701 times.
Many thanks
The Internet team
The End
Tuesday 13th May 2008 9:49:56 PM
Congratulations, you have reached the End of the Internet. To get back to the Other End of the Internet please click on the back button on your browser 3,307,998,701 times.
Many thanks
The Internet team
The End
Tuesday 13th May 2008 9:49:56 PM
Monday, May 12, 2008
Sunday, May 11, 2008
Great Quote
"How about when a bunch of guys wearing colored towels around their heads and brandishing AK-47's come charging over the horizon straight toward you? Do you wait for them to start killing your team, or do you mow the bastards down before they get a chance to do so?
That situation might look simple in Washington, where the human rights of terrorists are often given high priority. And I am certain liberal politicians would defend their position to the death. Because everyone knows liberals have never been wrong about anything. You can ask them. Anytime."
Marcus LuttrelLone Survivor Page 37.
That situation might look simple in Washington, where the human rights of terrorists are often given high priority. And I am certain liberal politicians would defend their position to the death. Because everyone knows liberals have never been wrong about anything. You can ask them. Anytime."
Marcus LuttrelLone Survivor Page 37.
Saturday, May 10, 2008
Useful google Tool
How to Access Google's Filter By Date Dropdown Box
Filtering Google searches by time periods has been one of the most frequently requested features. By manipulating the search URL, you can trigger Google's 'filter by data dropdown box' to appear. With this drop down box, you can easily select what time dates you want Google to filter the results.
First goto Google and enter your search term. Next, add '&as_qdr=d' to the end of the URL and press enter.
A dropdown box will appear.
Filtering Google searches by time periods has been one of the most frequently requested features. By manipulating the search URL, you can trigger Google's 'filter by data dropdown box' to appear. With this drop down box, you can easily select what time dates you want Google to filter the results.
First goto Google and enter your search term. Next, add '&as_qdr=d' to the end of the URL and press enter.
A dropdown box will appear.
Wednesday, April 30, 2008
Wednesday, April 2, 2008
Saturday, March 1, 2008
Thursday, January 31, 2008
Friday, January 25, 2008
Crime Joke
Crime Fighters
The LAPD, the FBI, & the CIA are all trying to prove that they are the best at apprehending criminals. The President decides to give them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest and each of them has to catch it.
The CIA goes in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigations, they conclude that rabbits do not exist.
The FBI goes in. After two weeks with no leads they burn the forest, killing everything in it, including the rabbit and they make no apologies. The rabbit had it coming.
The LAPD goes in. They come out two hours later with a badly beaten bear. The bear is crying, "Okay, okay! I'm a rabbit, I'm a rabbit."
The LAPD, the FBI, & the CIA are all trying to prove that they are the best at apprehending criminals. The President decides to give them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest and each of them has to catch it.
The CIA goes in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigations, they conclude that rabbits do not exist.
The FBI goes in. After two weeks with no leads they burn the forest, killing everything in it, including the rabbit and they make no apologies. The rabbit had it coming.
The LAPD goes in. They come out two hours later with a badly beaten bear. The bear is crying, "Okay, okay! I'm a rabbit, I'm a rabbit."
Saturday, January 5, 2008
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