Sunday, February 28, 2010
Political Joke
NEWS FLASH: Nancy Pelosi was involved in a minor accident Thursday night. While driving in her limousine in rural Virginia a cow wandered onto the road and was hit by a limousine carrying Nancy Pelosi.
Congreeswoman Pelosi was not hurt but the cow suffered fatal injuries.
The Speaker of the House told her limousine driver to go to the house owned by the cow and tell the people living there the news. The limousine driver did not return until four hours later. When he returned he told the Congresswoman "The people living there were so nice. The wife fixed me the most delicious homecooked meal, the father showered me with wonderful gifts and stories, they even introduced me to their daughter and let me sleep with her."
Nancy Pelosi asked the limo driver "What did you say to them."
The limo driver responded, "I just told them I was Nancy Pelosi's limo driver and the old cow is dead."
Congreeswoman Pelosi was not hurt but the cow suffered fatal injuries.
The Speaker of the House told her limousine driver to go to the house owned by the cow and tell the people living there the news. The limousine driver did not return until four hours later. When he returned he told the Congresswoman "The people living there were so nice. The wife fixed me the most delicious homecooked meal, the father showered me with wonderful gifts and stories, they even introduced me to their daughter and let me sleep with her."
Nancy Pelosi asked the limo driver "What did you say to them."
The limo driver responded, "I just told them I was Nancy Pelosi's limo driver and the old cow is dead."
Thursday, February 25, 2010
Quantagories
This test does not measure intelligence, your fluency with words,
creativity or mathematical ability. It will, however give you some
gauge of your mental flexibility. In the three years since the test
was developed, few people have been found who could solve more than
half of the 27 questions on the first try.
Many, however, reported getting answers long after the testing had
been set aside, particularly at unexpected moments when their minds
were relaxed. Some report solving all the questions over a period of
several days.
For example:
60 = M in an H
The answer would be: 60 = Minutes in an Hour
1. 26 = L of the A
2. 1,001 = A N
3. 7 = W of the W
4. 12 = S of the Z
5. 54 = C in a D (w/ the J)
6. 9 = P in the S S
7. 88 = K on a P
8. 13 = S on the A F
9. 32 = D F at which W F
10. 18 = H on a G C
11. 90 = D in a R A
12. 200 = D for P G in M
13. 8 = S on a S S
14. 3 = B M (S H T R)
15. 4 = Q in a G
16. 24 = H in a D
17. 1 = W on a U
18. 5 = D in a Z C
19. 57 = H V
20. 11 = P on a F T
21. 1,000 = W that a P is W
22. 29 = D in F in a L Y
23. 64 = S on a C
24. 15 = M on a D M C
25. 52 = W in a Y
26. 99 = B of B on the W
27. 3 = L P and one B B W
28. 30 = D H S
29. 5,280 = F in a M
30. 212 = D F at which W B
31. 10 = F in one L of B
32. 13 = N in a B d
33. 7 = D in S W (D, G, S, D, B, H & S)
34. 9 = L a C has
35. 40 = D and N it R (N and the A)
36. 25 = P in a Q
37. 3 = S (C. L, & M)
38. 50 = S in the U
39. 18 = W on a S T T
40. 3 = C in a F
41. 18 = W in a S
42. 10 = Y in a D
43. 15 = T D in A
44. 100 = Y in a C
45. 180 = D in a S L
46. 31 = D in J and J
47. 21 = A of C
48. 52 = W in a Y
49. 10 = D in a D
50. 50 = Q on T T
creativity or mathematical ability. It will, however give you some
gauge of your mental flexibility. In the three years since the test
was developed, few people have been found who could solve more than
half of the 27 questions on the first try.
Many, however, reported getting answers long after the testing had
been set aside, particularly at unexpected moments when their minds
were relaxed. Some report solving all the questions over a period of
several days.
For example:
60 = M in an H
The answer would be: 60 = Minutes in an Hour
1. 26 = L of the A
2. 1,001 = A N
3. 7 = W of the W
4. 12 = S of the Z
5. 54 = C in a D (w/ the J)
6. 9 = P in the S S
7. 88 = K on a P
8. 13 = S on the A F
9. 32 = D F at which W F
10. 18 = H on a G C
11. 90 = D in a R A
12. 200 = D for P G in M
13. 8 = S on a S S
14. 3 = B M (S H T R)
15. 4 = Q in a G
16. 24 = H in a D
17. 1 = W on a U
18. 5 = D in a Z C
19. 57 = H V
20. 11 = P on a F T
21. 1,000 = W that a P is W
22. 29 = D in F in a L Y
23. 64 = S on a C
24. 15 = M on a D M C
25. 52 = W in a Y
26. 99 = B of B on the W
27. 3 = L P and one B B W
28. 30 = D H S
29. 5,280 = F in a M
30. 212 = D F at which W B
31. 10 = F in one L of B
32. 13 = N in a B d
33. 7 = D in S W (D, G, S, D, B, H & S)
34. 9 = L a C has
35. 40 = D and N it R (N and the A)
36. 25 = P in a Q
37. 3 = S (C. L, & M)
38. 50 = S in the U
39. 18 = W on a S T T
40. 3 = C in a F
41. 18 = W in a S
42. 10 = Y in a D
43. 15 = T D in A
44. 100 = Y in a C
45. 180 = D in a S L
46. 31 = D in J and J
47. 21 = A of C
48. 52 = W in a Y
49. 10 = D in a D
50. 50 = Q on T T
Sunday, February 14, 2010
Red Skelton's Commentary on the Pledge of Allegiance
Red Skelton's Commentary on the Pledge of Allegiance
While this is not "humor" in the sense that it is a joke, it is something which I feel needs to be shared. Red Skelton was one of the greatest comedians I can remember. He was funny without being smutty. He also made some profound statements.
The words were meaningful many years ago when they were spoken by Mr. Skelton. They are just as meaningful today.
Now, more than ever, listen to the meaning of these words.
Commentary on the Pledge of Allegiance
by Red Skelton
The following words were spoken by the late Red Skelton on his television program as he related the story of his teacher, Mr. Laswell, who felt his students had come to think of the Pledge of Allegiance as merely something to recite in class each day.
"I've been listening to you boys and girls recite the Pledge of Allegiance all semester and it seems as though it is becoming monotonous to you. If I may, may I recite it and try to explain to you the meaning of each word?"
I -- me, an individual, a committee of one.
PLEDGE -- dedicate all of my worldly goods to give without self pity.
ALLEGIANCE -- my love and my devotion.
TO THE FLAG -- our standard, Old Glory, a symbol of freedom. Wherever she waves, there's respect because your loyalty has given her a dignity that shouts freedom is everybody's job!
UNITED -- that means that we have all come together.
STATES -- individual communities that have united into 48 great states. Forty-eight individual communities with pride and dignity and purpose; all divided with imaginary boundaries, yet united to a common purpose, and that's love for country.
AND TO THE REPUBLIC -- a state in which sovereign power is invested in representatives chosen by the people to govern. And government is the people and it's from the people to the leaders, not from the leaders to the people.
FOR WHICH IT STANDS, ONE NATION -- one nation, meaning "so blessed by God"
INDIVISIBLE -- incapable of being divided.
WITH LIBERTY -- which is freedom -- the right of power to live one's own life without threats, fear or some sort of retaliation.
AND JUSTICE -- the principle or quality of dealing fairly with others.
FOR ALL -- which means, boys and girls, it's as much your country as it is mine.
And now, boys and girls, let me hear you recite the Pledge of Allegiance:
"I pledge allegiance to the Flag of the United States of America, and to the Republic, for which it stands; one nation, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all."
Since I was a small boy, two states have been added to our country and two words have been added to the Pledge of Allegiance...
UNDER GOD
Wouldn't it be a pity if someone said that is a prayer and that would be eliminated from schools too?
- Red Skelton
Hear it all in Red's own voice.
Here is the performance by Red himself, as it was seen on January 14, 1969.
While this is not "humor" in the sense that it is a joke, it is something which I feel needs to be shared. Red Skelton was one of the greatest comedians I can remember. He was funny without being smutty. He also made some profound statements.
The words were meaningful many years ago when they were spoken by Mr. Skelton. They are just as meaningful today.
Now, more than ever, listen to the meaning of these words.
Commentary on the Pledge of Allegiance
by Red Skelton
The following words were spoken by the late Red Skelton on his television program as he related the story of his teacher, Mr. Laswell, who felt his students had come to think of the Pledge of Allegiance as merely something to recite in class each day.
"I've been listening to you boys and girls recite the Pledge of Allegiance all semester and it seems as though it is becoming monotonous to you. If I may, may I recite it and try to explain to you the meaning of each word?"
I -- me, an individual, a committee of one.
PLEDGE -- dedicate all of my worldly goods to give without self pity.
ALLEGIANCE -- my love and my devotion.
TO THE FLAG -- our standard, Old Glory, a symbol of freedom. Wherever she waves, there's respect because your loyalty has given her a dignity that shouts freedom is everybody's job!
UNITED -- that means that we have all come together.
STATES -- individual communities that have united into 48 great states. Forty-eight individual communities with pride and dignity and purpose; all divided with imaginary boundaries, yet united to a common purpose, and that's love for country.
AND TO THE REPUBLIC -- a state in which sovereign power is invested in representatives chosen by the people to govern. And government is the people and it's from the people to the leaders, not from the leaders to the people.
FOR WHICH IT STANDS, ONE NATION -- one nation, meaning "so blessed by God"
INDIVISIBLE -- incapable of being divided.
WITH LIBERTY -- which is freedom -- the right of power to live one's own life without threats, fear or some sort of retaliation.
AND JUSTICE -- the principle or quality of dealing fairly with others.
FOR ALL -- which means, boys and girls, it's as much your country as it is mine.
And now, boys and girls, let me hear you recite the Pledge of Allegiance:
"I pledge allegiance to the Flag of the United States of America, and to the Republic, for which it stands; one nation, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all."
Since I was a small boy, two states have been added to our country and two words have been added to the Pledge of Allegiance...
UNDER GOD
Wouldn't it be a pity if someone said that is a prayer and that would be eliminated from schools too?
- Red Skelton
Hear it all in Red's own voice.
Here is the performance by Red himself, as it was seen on January 14, 1969.
Saturday, February 13, 2010
Friday, February 12, 2010
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
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