Friday, December 31, 2010
Tuesday, December 21, 2010
Monday, December 20, 2010
I'm Dreaming of a Blonde Christmas
Two funny blondes traveled 2 hours from town and walked deep into the woods searching for a Christmas tree. They were all warmly dressed from head to toe carrying their saw, hatchet and a rope to drag the Christmas tree back to the car. They had thought of every little detail planning this trip.
The two blondes were so determined to find the perfect Christmas tree. So determined, that they searched for hours slugging through knee-deep snow, blistering wind and weren’t even distracted!
Finally, five hours had passed and the sun was beginning to set, so one blonde turned to the other blonde and said, "I GIVE UP! I CAN’T TAKE THIS ANYMORE! There are hundreds of beautiful Christmas trees all around us. Let’s just cut one down whether it's decorated or not!!"
The two blondes were so determined to find the perfect Christmas tree. So determined, that they searched for hours slugging through knee-deep snow, blistering wind and weren’t even distracted!
Finally, five hours had passed and the sun was beginning to set, so one blonde turned to the other blonde and said, "I GIVE UP! I CAN’T TAKE THIS ANYMORE! There are hundreds of beautiful Christmas trees all around us. Let’s just cut one down whether it's decorated or not!!"
Sunday, December 19, 2010
History of Santa Claus
History of Santa Claus
“HE sees you when you’re sleeping, HE knows when you’re awake…HE knows if you’ve been bad or good…” HE is the man of the hour, the guy that kids of all ages have been waiting for all year long…HE is Santa Claus! Think you know all there is to know about the man? If not, read on and find out some pretty amazing facts about the guy known as St. Nick, Father Christmas, Pere Noel… (P.S. If you don’t read on, HE might just leave you a stocking full of coal…just sayin’…)
‘Twas fourth century Greece where the story of Saint Nicholas was born. Saint Nicholas of Myra (which is now part of Turkey), is the primary inspiration for the man who would come to be known as Santa Claus. Nicholas was famous for his generous gifts to the poor and was a religious man who devoted his entire life to Christianity.
As a matter of fact, in parts of Europe, St. Nicholas is still portrayed as a bearded bishop in canonical robes. He was later claimed as a patron saint by many diverse groups, from archers, sailors and children to pawnbrokers. He is also the patron saint of both Amsterdam and Moscow.
Centuries later, numerous parallels have been drawn between the man known as Santa Claus and the figure of Odin, a major god among the Germanic people. These include the beard, hat, and the cloth bag held by servants, which according to folklore, rather than carrying toys, was used to capture naughty children.
Odin was sometimes recorded as the native Germanic holiday of Yule, leading a great hunting party through the sky. Several books describe Odin as riding an eight-legged horse named Sleipnir that could leap great distances, giving rise to comparisons to Santa Claus’ reindeer. Children were described as placing their boots, filled with carrots, straw, or sugar, near the chimney for Odin’s flying horse, Sleipnir, to eat.
Odin would then reward those children for their kindness by replacing Sleipnir’s food with gifts or candy. This practice survived in Germany, Belgium, and the Netherlands after the adoption of Christianity and can be still seen in the modern practice of the hanging of stockings at the chimney in some homes. This practice in turn came to the United States through the Dutch colony of New Amsterdam prior to the British seizure in the 17th century, and evolved into the hanging of socks or stockings at the fireplace.
In the Netherlands and Belgium, Saint Nicolas, (“Sinterklaas”, often called “De Goede Sint” — “The Good Saint”) is aided by helpers commonly known as ” Zwarte Piet” (“Black Peter”) in Dutch or “Pere Fouettard” in French. There are various explanations of the origins of the helpers. The oldest explanation is that the helpers symbolize the two ravens Hugin and Munin who informed Odin on what was going on in the world.
In later stories the helper depicts the defeated devil. Another, more modern story is that Saint Nicolas liberated an Ethiopian slave boy called ‘Piter’ (from Saint Peter) from a Myra market, and the boy was so grateful he decided to stay with Saint Nicolas as a helper.
Pre-modern representations of St. Nicholas and Sinterklaas eventually merged with the British character Father Christmas. Father Christmas dates back at least as far as the 17th century in Britain and pictures of him survive from that era, portraying him as a jolly well-nourished bearded man dressed in a long, green, fur-lined robe.
He typified the spirit of good cheer at Christmas, and was reflected as the “Ghost of Christmas Present” in Charles Dickens’ festive classic , A Christmas Carol.
In the British colonies of North America and later the United States, British and Dutch versions of the gift-giver merged further. For example, in Washington Irving’s History of New York, (1809), Sinterklaas was Americanized into “Santa Claus” (a name first used in the American press in 1773) but lost his bishop’s apparel, and was at first pictured as a thick-bellied Dutch sailor with a pipe in a green winter coat.
The modern ideas of Santa Claus became legend however, after the publication of the poem, A Visit From St. Nicholas (better known today as The Night Before Christmas) written by Clement Clarke Moore and published in the Troy, New York, Sentinel on December 23, 1823 . Many of his modern attributes are established in this poem, such as riding in a sleigh that lands on the roof, entering through the chimney, and having a bag full of toys.
St. Nick is described as being “chubby and plump, a right jolly old elf” with “a little round belly”, that “shook when he laughed like a bowlful of jelly”. The reindeer were also named: “Now! Dasher, now! Dancer, now! Prancer, and Vixen, On! Comet, on! Cupid, on! Dunder and Blixem” (Dunder and Blixem was later changed to Donner and Blitzen).
As years passed, Santa Claus evolved in popular culture into a large, heavyset person. One of the first artists to define Santa Claus’s modern image was Thomas Nast, an American cartoonist of the 19th century. In 1863, a picture of Santa illustrated by Nast appeared in Harper’s Weekly. The story that Santa Claus lives at the North Pole may also have been a Nast creation.
The idea of a wife for Santa Claus may have been the creation of several American authors, beginning in the mid-1800s. In 1889, the poet Katherine Lee Bates popularized Mrs. Claus in the poem Goody Santa Claus on a Sleigh Ride. The 1956 popular song by George Melachrino, Mrs. Santa Claus, and the 1963 children’s book How Mrs. Santa Claus Saved Christmas, by Phyllis McGinley, also helped establish her character in popular imagination.
Images of Santa Claus were further popularized through Haddon Sundblom’s depiction of him for The Coca-Cola Company’s Christmas advertising in the 1930s.
The popularity of the image spawned urban legends that Santa Claus was invented by The Coca-Cola Company or that Santa wears red and white because they are the colors used to promote the Coca-Cola brand.
Historically, Coca-Cola was not the first soft drink company to utilize the modern image of Santa Claus in its advertising – White Rock Beverages used Santa to sell mineral water in 1915 and then in advertisements for its ginger ale in 1923.
In the modern world, Santa’s appearance isn’t just reserved for Christmas Eve. Santa Claus now regularly appears in the weeks and days before Christmas in department stores, shopping malls and parties. The practice of this is credited to James Edgar, as he started doing this in 1890 in his Brockton, Massachusetts department store.
Having a Santa set up to take pictures with children is a ritual that dates back to 1918.
“HE sees you when you’re sleeping, HE knows when you’re awake…HE knows if you’ve been bad or good…” HE is the man of the hour, the guy that kids of all ages have been waiting for all year long…HE is Santa Claus! Think you know all there is to know about the man? If not, read on and find out some pretty amazing facts about the guy known as St. Nick, Father Christmas, Pere Noel… (P.S. If you don’t read on, HE might just leave you a stocking full of coal…just sayin’…)
‘Twas fourth century Greece where the story of Saint Nicholas was born. Saint Nicholas of Myra (which is now part of Turkey), is the primary inspiration for the man who would come to be known as Santa Claus. Nicholas was famous for his generous gifts to the poor and was a religious man who devoted his entire life to Christianity.
As a matter of fact, in parts of Europe, St. Nicholas is still portrayed as a bearded bishop in canonical robes. He was later claimed as a patron saint by many diverse groups, from archers, sailors and children to pawnbrokers. He is also the patron saint of both Amsterdam and Moscow.
Centuries later, numerous parallels have been drawn between the man known as Santa Claus and the figure of Odin, a major god among the Germanic people. These include the beard, hat, and the cloth bag held by servants, which according to folklore, rather than carrying toys, was used to capture naughty children.
Odin was sometimes recorded as the native Germanic holiday of Yule, leading a great hunting party through the sky. Several books describe Odin as riding an eight-legged horse named Sleipnir that could leap great distances, giving rise to comparisons to Santa Claus’ reindeer. Children were described as placing their boots, filled with carrots, straw, or sugar, near the chimney for Odin’s flying horse, Sleipnir, to eat.
Odin would then reward those children for their kindness by replacing Sleipnir’s food with gifts or candy. This practice survived in Germany, Belgium, and the Netherlands after the adoption of Christianity and can be still seen in the modern practice of the hanging of stockings at the chimney in some homes. This practice in turn came to the United States through the Dutch colony of New Amsterdam prior to the British seizure in the 17th century, and evolved into the hanging of socks or stockings at the fireplace.
In the Netherlands and Belgium, Saint Nicolas, (“Sinterklaas”, often called “De Goede Sint” — “The Good Saint”) is aided by helpers commonly known as ” Zwarte Piet” (“Black Peter”) in Dutch or “Pere Fouettard” in French. There are various explanations of the origins of the helpers. The oldest explanation is that the helpers symbolize the two ravens Hugin and Munin who informed Odin on what was going on in the world.
In later stories the helper depicts the defeated devil. Another, more modern story is that Saint Nicolas liberated an Ethiopian slave boy called ‘Piter’ (from Saint Peter) from a Myra market, and the boy was so grateful he decided to stay with Saint Nicolas as a helper.
Pre-modern representations of St. Nicholas and Sinterklaas eventually merged with the British character Father Christmas. Father Christmas dates back at least as far as the 17th century in Britain and pictures of him survive from that era, portraying him as a jolly well-nourished bearded man dressed in a long, green, fur-lined robe.
He typified the spirit of good cheer at Christmas, and was reflected as the “Ghost of Christmas Present” in Charles Dickens’ festive classic , A Christmas Carol.
In the British colonies of North America and later the United States, British and Dutch versions of the gift-giver merged further. For example, in Washington Irving’s History of New York, (1809), Sinterklaas was Americanized into “Santa Claus” (a name first used in the American press in 1773) but lost his bishop’s apparel, and was at first pictured as a thick-bellied Dutch sailor with a pipe in a green winter coat.
The modern ideas of Santa Claus became legend however, after the publication of the poem, A Visit From St. Nicholas (better known today as The Night Before Christmas) written by Clement Clarke Moore and published in the Troy, New York, Sentinel on December 23, 1823 . Many of his modern attributes are established in this poem, such as riding in a sleigh that lands on the roof, entering through the chimney, and having a bag full of toys.
St. Nick is described as being “chubby and plump, a right jolly old elf” with “a little round belly”, that “shook when he laughed like a bowlful of jelly”. The reindeer were also named: “Now! Dasher, now! Dancer, now! Prancer, and Vixen, On! Comet, on! Cupid, on! Dunder and Blixem” (Dunder and Blixem was later changed to Donner and Blitzen).
As years passed, Santa Claus evolved in popular culture into a large, heavyset person. One of the first artists to define Santa Claus’s modern image was Thomas Nast, an American cartoonist of the 19th century. In 1863, a picture of Santa illustrated by Nast appeared in Harper’s Weekly. The story that Santa Claus lives at the North Pole may also have been a Nast creation.
The idea of a wife for Santa Claus may have been the creation of several American authors, beginning in the mid-1800s. In 1889, the poet Katherine Lee Bates popularized Mrs. Claus in the poem Goody Santa Claus on a Sleigh Ride. The 1956 popular song by George Melachrino, Mrs. Santa Claus, and the 1963 children’s book How Mrs. Santa Claus Saved Christmas, by Phyllis McGinley, also helped establish her character in popular imagination.
Images of Santa Claus were further popularized through Haddon Sundblom’s depiction of him for The Coca-Cola Company’s Christmas advertising in the 1930s.
The popularity of the image spawned urban legends that Santa Claus was invented by The Coca-Cola Company or that Santa wears red and white because they are the colors used to promote the Coca-Cola brand.
Historically, Coca-Cola was not the first soft drink company to utilize the modern image of Santa Claus in its advertising – White Rock Beverages used Santa to sell mineral water in 1915 and then in advertisements for its ginger ale in 1923.
In the modern world, Santa’s appearance isn’t just reserved for Christmas Eve. Santa Claus now regularly appears in the weeks and days before Christmas in department stores, shopping malls and parties. The practice of this is credited to James Edgar, as he started doing this in 1890 in his Brockton, Massachusetts department store.
Having a Santa set up to take pictures with children is a ritual that dates back to 1918.
World's Oldest Continuously Inhabited City
Most scholars agree that the title rightfully belongs to Jericho, a city located near the Jordan River in the West Bank of the Palestinian Territories, about 8 miles north to the Dead Sea. The conclusion is based on radio-carbon dating on archaeological specimens from the lowest levels reached during excavations. These specimens indicate habitation of perhaps 3,000 people as early as 7800 BC.
Today the city of Jericho is inhabited chiefly by Palestinians and the total population is about 35,000.
Today the city of Jericho is inhabited chiefly by Palestinians and the total population is about 35,000.
Friday, December 17, 2010
Wednesday, December 15, 2010
Monday, December 13, 2010
Sunday, December 12, 2010
Both Sides Need to learn!
Conservatives love humans but hate humanity.
Liberals love humanity but hate humans.
Liberals love humanity but hate humans.
Saturday, December 11, 2010
Thursday, December 9, 2010
Wednesday, December 8, 2010
Funny State Mottos
What the State Motto Really should be...
FLORIDA: The Gunshine State
ALABAMA: Literacy Ain't Everything
ARKANSAS: At Least We're not Oklahoma
ILLINOIS: Gateway to Iowa
KENTUCKY: Tobacco is a Vegetable
MAINE: For Sale
MONTANA: Land of the Big Sky, and Very Little Else
NEW JERSEY: You Have the Right to Remain Silent, You Have the Right to an Attorney
NEW MEXICO: Lizards Make Excellent Pets
NORTH CAROLINA: Five Million People; Fifteen Last Names
OHIO: Don't Judge us by Cleveland
PENNSYLVANIA: Cook with Coal
SOUTH DAKOTA: Closer than North Dakota
TENNESSEE: The Educashun State
TEXAS: Si Habla Ingles
UTAH: Our Jesus is Better than Your Jesus
ARIZONA: But it's a dry heat, I tell ya!
WEST VIRGINIA: We're all related
MASSACHUSETTS: Chappaquidick...'nuff said
NEVADA: Lose Your Money and Leave
RHODE Island: Too Small to Care About
OKLAHOMA: 50th Most Visited State!
HAWAII: We're All Tanned and Healthy and You're Fat and Dying!
VERMONT: Quaint and Cold
DELAWARE: No One Knows We Exist
IDAHO: Enough About the Damn Potatoes!
TEXAS: Not as Boring as Nebraska
D.C.: Now With Fewer Murders Than New Orleans
LOUISIANA State Joke: Men Working
FLORIDA: The Gunshine State
ALABAMA: Literacy Ain't Everything
ARKANSAS: At Least We're not Oklahoma
ILLINOIS: Gateway to Iowa
KENTUCKY: Tobacco is a Vegetable
MAINE: For Sale
MONTANA: Land of the Big Sky, and Very Little Else
NEW JERSEY: You Have the Right to Remain Silent, You Have the Right to an Attorney
NEW MEXICO: Lizards Make Excellent Pets
NORTH CAROLINA: Five Million People; Fifteen Last Names
OHIO: Don't Judge us by Cleveland
PENNSYLVANIA: Cook with Coal
SOUTH DAKOTA: Closer than North Dakota
TENNESSEE: The Educashun State
TEXAS: Si Habla Ingles
UTAH: Our Jesus is Better than Your Jesus
ARIZONA: But it's a dry heat, I tell ya!
WEST VIRGINIA: We're all related
MASSACHUSETTS: Chappaquidick...'nuff said
NEVADA: Lose Your Money and Leave
RHODE Island: Too Small to Care About
OKLAHOMA: 50th Most Visited State!
HAWAII: We're All Tanned and Healthy and You're Fat and Dying!
VERMONT: Quaint and Cold
DELAWARE: No One Knows We Exist
IDAHO: Enough About the Damn Potatoes!
TEXAS: Not as Boring as Nebraska
D.C.: Now With Fewer Murders Than New Orleans
LOUISIANA State Joke: Men Working
Tuesday, December 7, 2010
Lofoten
The archipelago of Lofoten in Norway is north of the Arctic Circle. Yet throughout the year it has temperatures which belie its position. This is because of the largest positive temperature anomaly in the world relative to latitude.
It makes Lofoten an unexpected delight - its early settlers must have thought they had stumbled across an arctic paradise. Prepare to have your breath taken awa
Monday, December 6, 2010
Sunday, December 5, 2010
Amazing Race Allstars
The twelve teams competing are:
•Kynt/Vyxsin (Season 12 -- Goths, 5th place)
•Ron/Christina (Season 12 -- Father/Daughter, 2nd place)
•Amanda/Kris (Season 14 -- Dating couple, 8th place)
•Kisha/Jen (Season 14 -- Sisters, 4th place)
•Margie/Luke (Season 14 -- Mother/(Deaf) Son, 3rd place)
•Mel/Mike (Season 14 -- Gay Father/Gay Son, 6th place)
•Steve/Linda (Season 14 -- Married, 10th place)
•Jaime/Cara (Season 14 -- Cheerleaders, 2nd place) (Thanks, JF!)
•Flight Time/Big Easy (Season 15 -- Harlem Globetrotters, 4th place)
•Zev/Justin (Season 15 -- Best Friends, 9th place)
•Jet/Cord (Season 16 -- Brothers/Cowboys, 2nd place)
•Gary/Mallory (Season 17 -- Father/Daughter, 6th place)
•Kynt/Vyxsin (Season 12 -- Goths, 5th place)
•Ron/Christina (Season 12 -- Father/Daughter, 2nd place)
•Amanda/Kris (Season 14 -- Dating couple, 8th place)
•Kisha/Jen (Season 14 -- Sisters, 4th place)
•Margie/Luke (Season 14 -- Mother/(Deaf) Son, 3rd place)
•Mel/Mike (Season 14 -- Gay Father/Gay Son, 6th place)
•Steve/Linda (Season 14 -- Married, 10th place)
•Jaime/Cara (Season 14 -- Cheerleaders, 2nd place) (Thanks, JF!)
•Flight Time/Big Easy (Season 15 -- Harlem Globetrotters, 4th place)
•Zev/Justin (Season 15 -- Best Friends, 9th place)
•Jet/Cord (Season 16 -- Brothers/Cowboys, 2nd place)
•Gary/Mallory (Season 17 -- Father/Daughter, 6th place)
Saturday, December 4, 2010
Tuesday, November 30, 2010
Monday, November 29, 2010
Monday, November 15, 2010
Sunday, November 14, 2010
Friday, November 12, 2010
I LIke Jokes
One morning, Kevin wakes up to find his dog dead, lying next to his bed. He can't quite believe it, so decides to take him to the vet. The Vet takes one look at the dog and says, "Kevin, I'm truly sorry, but your dog is dead."
"No. He can't be dead. I demand a second opinion!" replies Kevin.
The doctor nods and agrees. He goes into the back room and brings out a cat. The cat jumps all over the dog, bites it, looks at the vet and says, "Meow."
The vet again says, "I'm sorry but your dog is truly dead."
Kevin says, "No!, I don't believe it, I want another opinion."
The vet nods and brings out a Labrador Retriever, which then begins to jump all over the dead dog, tugging at it before barking, "Woof roof woof!"
The vet says, "Sir, your dog is dead. That will be 400 dollars."
" to tell me my dog is dead?" asks Kevin.
"Well," the vet replies, "I charge 50 dollars, the cat scan is 200 and the lab test is 150 dollars..."
There are two brothers, Sam and David. Sam asks David to to watch his house and cat while he is away on vacation. Sam calls David.
"Hey, how are things? House is still standing? How's my cat doing?"
David swallowed hard, "Well yeah man, your house is still standing. Nice place you have here by the way. Sorry to tell you this but you cat died though."
"What?" Sam said. "You just can't tell someone that their cat is dead. You have to break it down to them gently. The first time I call you should say that the cat is on the roof trying to catch a bird. The second call you should say that the cat lost its footing trying to catch the bird as it flew away, it fell and now it's at the vet. The third call you should be to tell me that the vet says that it's not looking good for the cat. On the fourth call you let me know that my cat died peacefully in its sleep."
David agreed.
"So," Sam continues. "How's Grandma?"
"Well, Grandma's on the roof playing with a bird."
"No. He can't be dead. I demand a second opinion!" replies Kevin.
The doctor nods and agrees. He goes into the back room and brings out a cat. The cat jumps all over the dog, bites it, looks at the vet and says, "Meow."
The vet again says, "I'm sorry but your dog is truly dead."
Kevin says, "No!, I don't believe it, I want another opinion."
The vet nods and brings out a Labrador Retriever, which then begins to jump all over the dead dog, tugging at it before barking, "Woof roof woof!"
The vet says, "Sir, your dog is dead. That will be 400 dollars."
" to tell me my dog is dead?" asks Kevin.
"Well," the vet replies, "I charge 50 dollars, the cat scan is 200 and the lab test is 150 dollars..."
There are two brothers, Sam and David. Sam asks David to to watch his house and cat while he is away on vacation. Sam calls David.
"Hey, how are things? House is still standing? How's my cat doing?"
David swallowed hard, "Well yeah man, your house is still standing. Nice place you have here by the way. Sorry to tell you this but you cat died though."
"What?" Sam said. "You just can't tell someone that their cat is dead. You have to break it down to them gently. The first time I call you should say that the cat is on the roof trying to catch a bird. The second call you should say that the cat lost its footing trying to catch the bird as it flew away, it fell and now it's at the vet. The third call you should be to tell me that the vet says that it's not looking good for the cat. On the fourth call you let me know that my cat died peacefully in its sleep."
David agreed.
"So," Sam continues. "How's Grandma?"
"Well, Grandma's on the roof playing with a bird."
Thursday, November 11, 2010
Think Outside the Box!!!
Voice Box Soap Box Mail Box Ballot Box Jury Box Ammunition Box
Pine Box Tinder Box Cereal Box Pandora's Box Toy Box Jack in the Box
Cardboard Box Ice Box XBox Litter Box Call Box Juke Box
Juice Box Shoe Box Music Box Tackle Box Boom Box Black Box
Strong Box Jewelry Box Candy Box Toll Box Crayon Box In Box
Out Box Spam Box Cash Box Pill Box Beat Box Match Box
Lunch Box Tool Box Lock Box Text Box Shadow Box Check Box
Craft Box Smoke Box Draft Box Donation Box Kick Box Bread Box
Red Box Tee Box Penalty Box Sand Box Sentry Box Guard Box
Tin Box Batter's Box Luxury Box Press Box Pizza Box Take out Box
Gear Box Bear Box Cracker Box Suggestion Box Glove Box Pencil Box
Prayer Box Tissue Box Hat Box Snuff Box Gift Box Chocolate Box
Coal Box Wood Box Junk Box Moving Box Cigar Box Sky Box
Rice Box Raffle Box To Go Box Feed Box Cable Box Time Box
Offering Box Lego Box UPS Box FEDEX Box Empty Box Recycle Box
Oversize Box Goalie Box Nothing Box Origmai Box
Pine Box Tinder Box Cereal Box Pandora's Box Toy Box Jack in the Box
Cardboard Box Ice Box XBox Litter Box Call Box Juke Box
Juice Box Shoe Box Music Box Tackle Box Boom Box Black Box
Strong Box Jewelry Box Candy Box Toll Box Crayon Box In Box
Out Box Spam Box Cash Box Pill Box Beat Box Match Box
Lunch Box Tool Box Lock Box Text Box Shadow Box Check Box
Craft Box Smoke Box Draft Box Donation Box Kick Box Bread Box
Red Box Tee Box Penalty Box Sand Box Sentry Box Guard Box
Tin Box Batter's Box Luxury Box Press Box Pizza Box Take out Box
Gear Box Bear Box Cracker Box Suggestion Box Glove Box Pencil Box
Prayer Box Tissue Box Hat Box Snuff Box Gift Box Chocolate Box
Coal Box Wood Box Junk Box Moving Box Cigar Box Sky Box
Rice Box Raffle Box To Go Box Feed Box Cable Box Time Box
Offering Box Lego Box UPS Box FEDEX Box Empty Box Recycle Box
Oversize Box Goalie Box Nothing Box Origmai Box
Saturday, November 6, 2010
Friday, November 5, 2010
Thursday, November 4, 2010
Awesome joke - Red Shirt
Seems there was a treasure ship on its way back to port. About
halfway there, it was approached by a pirate, skull and crossbones waving
in the breeze!
"Captain, captain, what do we do?" asked the first mate.
"First mate," said the captain, "go to my cabin, open my sea
chest, and bring me my red shirt." The first mate did so.
Wearing his bright red shirt, the captain exhorted his crew to
fight. So inspiring was he, in fact, that the pirate ship was repelled
without casualties.
A few days later, the ship was again approached, this time by two
pirate sloops!
"Captain, captain, what should we do?"
"First mate, bring me my red shirt!"
The crew, emboldened by their fearless captain, fought heroically, and
managed to defeat both boarding parties, though they took many
casualties. That night, the survivors had a great celebration. The
first mate asked the captain the secret of his bright red shirt.
"It's simple, first mate. If I am wounded, the blood does not
show, and the crew continues to fight without fear."
A week passed, and they were nearing their home port, when
suddenly the lookout cried that ten ships of the enemy's armada were
approaching!
"Captain, captain, we're in terrible trouble, what do we do?"
The first mate looked expectantly at the miracle worker.
Pale with fear, the captain commanded, "First mate.... bring me my
brown pants!"
halfway there, it was approached by a pirate, skull and crossbones waving
in the breeze!
"Captain, captain, what do we do?" asked the first mate.
"First mate," said the captain, "go to my cabin, open my sea
chest, and bring me my red shirt." The first mate did so.
Wearing his bright red shirt, the captain exhorted his crew to
fight. So inspiring was he, in fact, that the pirate ship was repelled
without casualties.
A few days later, the ship was again approached, this time by two
pirate sloops!
"Captain, captain, what should we do?"
"First mate, bring me my red shirt!"
The crew, emboldened by their fearless captain, fought heroically, and
managed to defeat both boarding parties, though they took many
casualties. That night, the survivors had a great celebration. The
first mate asked the captain the secret of his bright red shirt.
"It's simple, first mate. If I am wounded, the blood does not
show, and the crew continues to fight without fear."
A week passed, and they were nearing their home port, when
suddenly the lookout cried that ten ships of the enemy's armada were
approaching!
"Captain, captain, we're in terrible trouble, what do we do?"
The first mate looked expectantly at the miracle worker.
Pale with fear, the captain commanded, "First mate.... bring me my
brown pants!"
Thursday, October 28, 2010
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
Facts From FDR
Just in case some of you young whippersnappers (& some older ones) didn't know this. It's easy to check out, if you don't believe it. Be sure and show it to your family and friends. They need a little history lesson on what's what and it doesn't matter whether you are Democrat or Republican. Facts are Facts.
Social Security Cards up until the 1980s expressly stated the number and card were not to be used for identification purposes. Since nearly everyone in the United States now has a number, it became convenient to use it anyway and the message, NOT FOR IDENTIFICATION, was removed.[9]
An old Social Security card with the "NOT FOR IDENTIFICATION" message.
Our Social Security
Franklin Roosevelt, a Democrat, introduced the Social
Security (FICA) Program. He promised:
1.) That participation in the Program would be
Completely voluntary,
No longer Voluntary
2.) That the participants would only have to pay
1% of the first $1,400 of their annual
Incomes into the Program,
Now 7.65%
on the first $90,000
3.) That the money the participants elected to put
into the Program would be deductible from
their income for tax purposes each year,
No longer tax deductible
4.) That the money the participants put into the
independent 'Trust Fund' rather than into the
general operating fund, and therefore, would
only be used to fund the Social Security
Retirement Program, and no other
Government program, and,
Under Johnson the money was moved to
The General Fund and Spent
5.) That the annuity payments to the retirees would never be taxed as income.
Under Clinton & Gore
Up to 85% of your Social Security can be Taxed
Since many of us have paid into FICA for years and are
now receiving a Social Security check every month --
and then finding that we are getting taxed on 85% of
the money we paid to the Federal government to 'put
away' -- you may be interested in the following:
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ----
Q: Which Political Party took Social Security from the
independent 'Trust Fund' and put it into the
general fund so that Congress could spend it?
A: It was Lyndon Johnson and the democratically
controlled House and Senate.
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --
Q: Which Political Party eliminated the income tax
deduction for Social Security (FICA) withholding?
A: The Democratic Party.
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -----
Q: Which Political Party started taxing Social
Security annuities?
A: The Democratic Party, with Al Gore casting the
'tie-breaking' deciding vote as President of the
Senate, while he was Vice President of the US
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -
Q: Which Political Party decided to start
giving annuity payments to immigrants?
AND MY FAVORITE:
A: That's right!
Jimmy Carter and the Democratic Party.
Immigrants moved into this country, and at age 65,
began to receive Social Security payments! The
Democratic Party gave these payments to them,
even though they never paid a dime into it!
------------ -- ------------ --------- ----- ------------ --------- ---------
Then, after violating the original contract (FICA),
the Democrats turn around and tell you that the Republicans want to take your Social Security away!
And the worst part about it is uninformed citizens believe it!
If enough people receive this, maybe a seed of
awareness will be planted and maybe changes will
evolve. Maybe not, some Democrats are awfully
sure of what isn't so.
But it's worth a try. How many people can YOU send this to?
Subject: History Lesson on Your Social Security Card
Social Security Cards up until the 1980s expressly stated the number and card were not to be used for identification purposes. Since nearly everyone in the United States now has a number, it became convenient to use it anyway and the message, NOT FOR IDENTIFICATION, was removed.[9]
An old Social Security card with the "NOT FOR IDENTIFICATION" message.
Our Social Security
Franklin Roosevelt, a Democrat, introduced the Social
Security (FICA) Program. He promised:
1.) That participation in the Program would be
Completely voluntary,
No longer Voluntary
2.) That the participants would only have to pay
1% of the first $1,400 of their annual
Incomes into the Program,
Now 7.65%
on the first $90,000
3.) That the money the participants elected to put
into the Program would be deductible from
their income for tax purposes each year,
No longer tax deductible
4.) That the money the participants put into the
independent 'Trust Fund' rather than into the
general operating fund, and therefore, would
only be used to fund the Social Security
Retirement Program, and no other
Government program, and,
Under Johnson the money was moved to
The General Fund and Spent
5.) That the annuity payments to the retirees would never be taxed as income.
Under Clinton & Gore
Up to 85% of your Social Security can be Taxed
Since many of us have paid into FICA for years and are
now receiving a Social Security check every month --
and then finding that we are getting taxed on 85% of
the money we paid to the Federal government to 'put
away' -- you may be interested in the following:
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ----
Q: Which Political Party took Social Security from the
independent 'Trust Fund' and put it into the
general fund so that Congress could spend it?
A: It was Lyndon Johnson and the democratically
controlled House and Senate.
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --
Q: Which Political Party eliminated the income tax
deduction for Social Security (FICA) withholding?
A: The Democratic Party.
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -----
Q: Which Political Party started taxing Social
Security annuities?
A: The Democratic Party, with Al Gore casting the
'tie-breaking' deciding vote as President of the
Senate, while he was Vice President of the US
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -
Q: Which Political Party decided to start
giving annuity payments to immigrants?
AND MY FAVORITE:
A: That's right!
Jimmy Carter and the Democratic Party.
Immigrants moved into this country, and at age 65,
began to receive Social Security payments! The
Democratic Party gave these payments to them,
even though they never paid a dime into it!
------------ -- ------------ --------- ----- ------------ --------- ---------
Then, after violating the original contract (FICA),
the Democrats turn around and tell you that the Republicans want to take your Social Security away!
And the worst part about it is uninformed citizens believe it!
If enough people receive this, maybe a seed of
awareness will be planted and maybe changes will
evolve. Maybe not, some Democrats are awfully
sure of what isn't so.
But it's worth a try. How many people can YOU send this to?
Subject: History Lesson on Your Social Security Card
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
Thursday, October 14, 2010
Sunday, October 10, 2010
Thursday, October 7, 2010
Thursday, September 30, 2010
Puns by Sophomores
Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
Monday, September 27, 2010
Saturday, September 25, 2010
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
Monday, September 13, 2010
Friday, September 10, 2010
I Got Stopped By the Police
I GOT STOPPED FOR SPEEDING THE OTHER DAY.
I THOUGHT I COULD TALK MY WAY OUT OF IT UNTIL
THE COP LOOKED AT MY DOG IN THE BACK SEAT.
Thursday, September 9, 2010
Friday, September 3, 2010
Funny Quote
"We stand today at a crossroads: One path leads to despair and utter hopelessness. The other leads to extinction. Let us hope we have the wisdom to make the right choice."
Woody Allen
Woody Allen
Thursday, August 26, 2010
Thursday, July 29, 2010
Thursday, July 15, 2010
Wednesday, July 14, 2010
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
Friday, July 9, 2010
Thursday, July 8, 2010
Wednesday, July 7, 2010
Tuesday, July 6, 2010
Sunday, June 27, 2010
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
Friday, June 11, 2010
Thursday, June 10, 2010
Wednesday, June 9, 2010
Saturday, June 5, 2010
Computer Support secret code words
In computer support, a variety of codes can be used when referring to a customer. One of these codes has become fairly well known on the internet: PEBKAC (Problem Exists Between Keyboard And Chair) but there are a variety of others that are lesser known. One of these is used when reporting a fault which has been fixed: “The fault was a PICNIC” (problem in chair – not in computer), or “ID 10 T Error” – ID 10 T is, of course, IDIOT. Let us hope that you never see this noted down on your file when a serviceman is fixing your computer.
Thursday, June 3, 2010
Tuesday, June 1, 2010
Homer's 50 Great Quotes
50 funniest Homer Simpson Quotes
Published on 9/13/2006
# Operator! Give me the number for 911!
# Oh, so they have internet on computers now!
# Bart, with $10,000, we'd be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like...love!
# Just because I don't care doesn't mean I don't understand.
# I'm normally not a praying man, but if you're up there, please save me Superman.
# Son, if you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now quiet! They're about to announce the lottery numbers.
# Well, it's 1 a.m. Better go home and spend some quality time with the kids.
# Maybe, just once, someone will call me 'Sir' without adding, 'You're making a scene.'
# Marge, don't discourage the boy! Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It's what separates us from the animals! Except the weasel.
# Doughnuts. Is there anything they can't do?
# You know, boys, a nuclear reactor is a lot like a woman. You just have to read the manual and press the right buttons.
# Lisa, if you don't like your job you don't strike. You just go in every day and do it really half-assed. That's the American way.
# When will I learn? The answer to life's problems aren't at the bottom of a bottle, they're on TV!
# Son, when you participate in sporting events, it's not whether you win or lose: it's how drunk you get.
# I'm going to the back seat of my car, with the woman I love, and I won't be back for ten minutes!
# [Meeting Aliens] Please don't eat me! I have a wife and kids. Eat them!
# What do we need a psychiatrist for? We know our kid is nuts.
# Marge, you're as beautiful as Princess Leia and as smart as Yoda.
# Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.
# The only monster here is the gambling monster that has enslaved your mother! I call him Gamblor, and it's time to snatch your mother from his neon claws!
# When I look at the smiles on all the children's faces, I just know they're about to jab me with something.
# I'm having the best day of my life, and I owe it all to not going to Church!
# Lisa, if the Bible has taught us nothing else, and it hasn't, it's that girls should stick to girls sports, such as hot oil wrestling and foxy boxing and such and such.
# I'm not a bad guy! I work hard, and I love my kids. So why should I spend half my Sunday hearing about how I'm going to Hell?
# Getting out of jury duty is easy. The trick is to say you're prejudiced against all races.
# It's not easy to juggle a pregnant wife and a troubled child, but somehow I managed to fit in eight hours of TV a day.
# Lisa, Vampires are make-believe, like elves, gremlins, and eskimos.
# I want to share something with you: The three little sentences that will get you through life. Number 1: Cover for me. Number 2: Oh, good idea, Boss! Number 3: It was like that when I got here.
# Oh, people can come up with statistics to prove anything, Kent. 14% of people know that.
# Remember that postcard Grandpa sent us from Florida of that Alligator biting that woman's bottom? That's right, we all thought it was hilarious. But, it turns out we were wrong. That alligator was sexually harrassing that woman.
# Old people don't need companionship. They need to be isolated and studied so it can be determined what nutrients they have that might be extracted for our personal use.
# How is education supposed to make me feel smarter? Besides, every time I learn something new, it pushes some old stuff out of my brain. Remember when I took that home winemaking course, and I forgot how to drive?
# Television! Teacher, mother, secret lover.
# Homer no function beer well without.
# I've always wondered if there was a god. And now I know there is -- and it's me.
# Kill my boss? Do I dare live out the American dream?
# If something goes wrong at the plant, blame the guy who can't speak English.
# I'm never going to be disabled. I'm sick of being so healthy.
# I like my beer cold, my TV loud and my homosexuals flaming.
# [Looking at a globe map...country being Uruguay]
Hee hee! Look at this country! 'You-are-gay.'
# All my life I've had one dream, to achieve my many goals.
# Dad, you've done a lot of great things, but you're a very old man, and old people are useless.
# But Marge, what if we chose the wrong religion? Each week we just make God madder and madder.
# I think Smithers picked me because of my motivational skills. Everyone says they have to work a lot harder when I'm around.
# Dear Lord.. The gods have been good to me. For the first time in my life, everything is absolutely perfect just the way it is. So here's the deal: You freeze everything the way it is, and I won't ask for anything more. If that is OK, please give me absolutely no sign. OK, deal.
# That's it! You people have stood in my way long enough. I'm going to clown college!
# Beer: The cause of, and solution to, all of life's problems.
# If something's hard to do, then it's not worth doing
# I'm in no condition to drive...wait! I shouldn't listen to myself, I'm drunk!
# 'To Start Press Any Key'. Where's the ANY key?
Published on 9/13/2006
# Operator! Give me the number for 911!
# Oh, so they have internet on computers now!
# Bart, with $10,000, we'd be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like...love!
# Just because I don't care doesn't mean I don't understand.
# I'm normally not a praying man, but if you're up there, please save me Superman.
# Son, if you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now quiet! They're about to announce the lottery numbers.
# Well, it's 1 a.m. Better go home and spend some quality time with the kids.
# Maybe, just once, someone will call me 'Sir' without adding, 'You're making a scene.'
# Marge, don't discourage the boy! Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It's what separates us from the animals! Except the weasel.
# Doughnuts. Is there anything they can't do?
# You know, boys, a nuclear reactor is a lot like a woman. You just have to read the manual and press the right buttons.
# Lisa, if you don't like your job you don't strike. You just go in every day and do it really half-assed. That's the American way.
# When will I learn? The answer to life's problems aren't at the bottom of a bottle, they're on TV!
# Son, when you participate in sporting events, it's not whether you win or lose: it's how drunk you get.
# I'm going to the back seat of my car, with the woman I love, and I won't be back for ten minutes!
# [Meeting Aliens] Please don't eat me! I have a wife and kids. Eat them!
# What do we need a psychiatrist for? We know our kid is nuts.
# Marge, you're as beautiful as Princess Leia and as smart as Yoda.
# Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.
# The only monster here is the gambling monster that has enslaved your mother! I call him Gamblor, and it's time to snatch your mother from his neon claws!
# When I look at the smiles on all the children's faces, I just know they're about to jab me with something.
# I'm having the best day of my life, and I owe it all to not going to Church!
# Lisa, if the Bible has taught us nothing else, and it hasn't, it's that girls should stick to girls sports, such as hot oil wrestling and foxy boxing and such and such.
# I'm not a bad guy! I work hard, and I love my kids. So why should I spend half my Sunday hearing about how I'm going to Hell?
# Getting out of jury duty is easy. The trick is to say you're prejudiced against all races.
# It's not easy to juggle a pregnant wife and a troubled child, but somehow I managed to fit in eight hours of TV a day.
# Lisa, Vampires are make-believe, like elves, gremlins, and eskimos.
# I want to share something with you: The three little sentences that will get you through life. Number 1: Cover for me. Number 2: Oh, good idea, Boss! Number 3: It was like that when I got here.
# Oh, people can come up with statistics to prove anything, Kent. 14% of people know that.
# Remember that postcard Grandpa sent us from Florida of that Alligator biting that woman's bottom? That's right, we all thought it was hilarious. But, it turns out we were wrong. That alligator was sexually harrassing that woman.
# Old people don't need companionship. They need to be isolated and studied so it can be determined what nutrients they have that might be extracted for our personal use.
# How is education supposed to make me feel smarter? Besides, every time I learn something new, it pushes some old stuff out of my brain. Remember when I took that home winemaking course, and I forgot how to drive?
# Television! Teacher, mother, secret lover.
# Homer no function beer well without.
# I've always wondered if there was a god. And now I know there is -- and it's me.
# Kill my boss? Do I dare live out the American dream?
# If something goes wrong at the plant, blame the guy who can't speak English.
# I'm never going to be disabled. I'm sick of being so healthy.
# I like my beer cold, my TV loud and my homosexuals flaming.
# [Looking at a globe map...country being Uruguay]
Hee hee! Look at this country! 'You-are-gay.'
# All my life I've had one dream, to achieve my many goals.
# Dad, you've done a lot of great things, but you're a very old man, and old people are useless.
# But Marge, what if we chose the wrong religion? Each week we just make God madder and madder.
# I think Smithers picked me because of my motivational skills. Everyone says they have to work a lot harder when I'm around.
# Dear Lord.. The gods have been good to me. For the first time in my life, everything is absolutely perfect just the way it is. So here's the deal: You freeze everything the way it is, and I won't ask for anything more. If that is OK, please give me absolutely no sign. OK, deal.
# That's it! You people have stood in my way long enough. I'm going to clown college!
# Beer: The cause of, and solution to, all of life's problems.
# If something's hard to do, then it's not worth doing
# I'm in no condition to drive...wait! I shouldn't listen to myself, I'm drunk!
# 'To Start Press Any Key'. Where's the ANY key?
Saturday, May 29, 2010
Monday, May 24, 2010
Sunday, May 23, 2010
Saturday, May 15, 2010
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