Someone once asked Jean Cocteau, "Suppose your house were on fire and you could remove only one thing. What would you take?"
Cocteau considered, then said, "I would take the fire."
Wednesday, December 26, 2007
Hire Me??
Job Application
This is an actual job application that a 17 year old boy submitted to McDonald's in Florida...and they hired him because he was so honest and funny!
Name: Greg Bulmash.
Sex: Not yet. Still waiting for the right person.
Desired position: Company's President or Vice President. But seriously, whatever's available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying here in the first place.
Desired salary: $185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz style severance package. If that's not possible, make an offer and we can haggle.
Education: Yes.
Last position held: Target for middle management hostility.
Salary: Less than I'm worth.
Most notable achievement: My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes.
Reason for leaving: It sucked.
Hours available to work: Any.
Preferred hours: 1:30-3:30 p.m., Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.
Do you have any special skills?: Yes, but they're better suited to a more intimate environment.
May we contact your current employer?: If I had one, would I be here?
Do you have any physical conditions that would prohibit you from lifting up to 50 Lbs?: Of what?
Do you have a car?: I think the more appropriate question here would be "Do you have a car that runs?"
Have you received any special awards or recognition?: I may already be a winner of the Publishers Clearing House Sweepstakes.
Do you smoke?: On the job no, on my breaks yes.
What would you like to be doing in five years?: Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy dumb sexy blonde super model who thinks I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I'd like to be doing that now.
Do you certify that the above is true and complete to the best of your knowledge?: Yes. Absolutely.
Sign here: Aries.
This is an actual job application that a 17 year old boy submitted to McDonald's in Florida...and they hired him because he was so honest and funny!
Name: Greg Bulmash.
Sex: Not yet. Still waiting for the right person.
Desired position: Company's President or Vice President. But seriously, whatever's available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying here in the first place.
Desired salary: $185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz style severance package. If that's not possible, make an offer and we can haggle.
Education: Yes.
Last position held: Target for middle management hostility.
Salary: Less than I'm worth.
Most notable achievement: My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes.
Reason for leaving: It sucked.
Hours available to work: Any.
Preferred hours: 1:30-3:30 p.m., Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.
Do you have any special skills?: Yes, but they're better suited to a more intimate environment.
May we contact your current employer?: If I had one, would I be here?
Do you have any physical conditions that would prohibit you from lifting up to 50 Lbs?: Of what?
Do you have a car?: I think the more appropriate question here would be "Do you have a car that runs?"
Have you received any special awards or recognition?: I may already be a winner of the Publishers Clearing House Sweepstakes.
Do you smoke?: On the job no, on my breaks yes.
What would you like to be doing in five years?: Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy dumb sexy blonde super model who thinks I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I'd like to be doing that now.
Do you certify that the above is true and complete to the best of your knowledge?: Yes. Absolutely.
Sign here: Aries.
Thursday, December 13, 2007
Sunday, December 9, 2007
Sunday, December 2, 2007
Wednesday, November 28, 2007
Monday, November 26, 2007
10 Disasters
Popular Mechanics listed the 10 worst disasters of the last 101 years - and delve into whether we are more prepared to face them now as compared to then. The disasters listed are:
1906 - San Francisco Earthquake Fire
1910 - The Big Burn (of Idaho and Montana)
1918 - Spanish Flu Pandemic
1925 - Tri-State (Missouri, Illinois, and Indiana) Tornado
1938 - The New England Hurricane
1964 - The Great Alaskan Earthquake
1974 - Super Tornado Outbreak (13 states in USA)
1980 - Mount St. Helen Eruption
1993 - Storm of the Century (eastern US)
2005 - Hurricane Katrina (with largest damage in New Orleans, Louisiana)
1906 - San Francisco Earthquake Fire
1910 - The Big Burn (of Idaho and Montana)
1918 - Spanish Flu Pandemic
1925 - Tri-State (Missouri, Illinois, and Indiana) Tornado
1938 - The New England Hurricane
1964 - The Great Alaskan Earthquake
1974 - Super Tornado Outbreak (13 states in USA)
1980 - Mount St. Helen Eruption
1993 - Storm of the Century (eastern US)
2005 - Hurricane Katrina (with largest damage in New Orleans, Louisiana)
I don't want his help.
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other man pulls out his cell phone and calls emergency services.
He gasps to the operator: "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator in a calm, soothing voice replies: "Take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a shot is heard.
Back on the phone, the hunter says, "OK, now what?"
He gasps to the operator: "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator in a calm, soothing voice replies: "Take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a shot is heard.
Back on the phone, the hunter says, "OK, now what?"
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